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I would like to offer some advice for how to avoid talking to (new) people online in order to protect yourself and your privacy, especially if you're a female. And I'm doing this upon a good friend's request, so I hope I don't disappoint her.
The obvious: Don't put your pictures online. I know it's tempting, since practically EVERYONE has their pictures on Facebook and other social networks, but because we're easterners and Pukhtuns, it's bound to hurt us in the long run whereas it's not as likely to hurt the non-Pukhtuns/non-easterners in the long run. I've heard many stories and seen some instances myself of females' pictures being stolen and posted on Youtube videos. Many of us commonly see Youtube videos with girls' pictures in them, but I wonder if any of us actually wonder if those girls' consent/permission was sought before the pictures were displayed like that.
Another obvious: Don't easily trust people when they reveal their gender to you. People might tell you and even talk like they're one gender (e.g., female) but are in actuality another gender (male). I know of instances where this has happened as well. Do NOT fool yourself into thinking that just because you've known someone for a year, he/she really is what he/she has told you. If you're a smart and wise person who doesn't discuss her/his personal life with random people, then you're fine and may not have to worry as much; but if you're a fool like many of us are, then you've got some lessons to learn, and you don't wanna learn them the hard way.
When I said this to an online female friend recently, she said to me, "But how do I know YOU are a female?" Good question, and I'm happy she asked. But here's how you might be able to determine whether someone's talking to you because she/he has some (evil) intentions or just because.
1. Interrogation. If someone you just met is asking you too many questions, PAUSE before answering. Ask yourself why you're being asked so many questions all of a sudden by someone you just met. Sure, the normal "hi, how are you? How many siblings you have? Where are you from?" etc. are fine, but even then, you don't need to tell someone where you live, what your parents do, where you go to school, etc.
2. Request for personal information. If someone asks for your phone number, your home address (rarely happens, I think, but still), your photos, etc. during your first few conversations, don't share. I understand it's tempting and all, but fight the urge. The world isn't gonna end if you wait a while and feel more comfortable.
(Some more hints I'll share later, ka khairee.)
Major advice: Don't be afraid of telling someone you don't feel comfortable answering a certain question. In fact, I suggest you test a person by saying this to one of his/her questions to get an idea of what the response will be like. If the person starts laughing or says, "Oh come on! You don't trust me?" That's a mighty sign right there that this person isn't to be trusted. If he/she was worth your trust, the response would have been different -- something more like, "All right. We can talk about this when you're comfortable then (if ever)" or "Oh, sorry. Never mind."
So, again, if you don't feel comfortable answering a question, watch how the person reacts. If there's any pressure involved, force the person out of your life right away to prevent yourself from being hurt later on. Someone who's truly worth befriending will never pressure you to answer their questions or share something with them that you don't want them to see, at least yet.
If you're afraid of the person's reaction or fear that if you say no to them for something, they'll leave you, that means you have some self-confidence to gain. Don't be afraid of saying no, especially in such important moments. Be strong, and stand up for yourself. You deserve to be respected, and no one has any right to put you in an uncomfortable situation that might later cause you to so much unrest that you won't be able to sleep.
I must add that sometimes when the other person shows us their picture, we feel like we can trust them by showing our own (or if they share some personal information, we feel comforted and think we can trust them with our own as well). WRONG! Do NOT do this! You don't know if they're telling you the truth; you don't know if they showed you their own picture. Again, be patient and wait a long while before sharing anything. Judge them by how they interact you.
Also, many a times, our instincts are correct, and our conscience is there to guide us. So when you have this bad gut feeling about someone, that's a special sign that perhaps you shouldn't trust this person. What will happen if you don't trust this person until you feel more confident and are sure much later that you can trust her/him? Nothing. So be patient.
I'll add more later. I'm in a rush right now but I wanted this said desperately.
May we all be respected and appreciated everywhere we are! Aameen.
The obvious: Don't put your pictures online. I know it's tempting, since practically EVERYONE has their pictures on Facebook and other social networks, but because we're easterners and Pukhtuns, it's bound to hurt us in the long run whereas it's not as likely to hurt the non-Pukhtuns/non-easterners in the long run. I've heard many stories and seen some instances myself of females' pictures being stolen and posted on Youtube videos. Many of us commonly see Youtube videos with girls' pictures in them, but I wonder if any of us actually wonder if those girls' consent/permission was sought before the pictures were displayed like that.
Another obvious: Don't easily trust people when they reveal their gender to you. People might tell you and even talk like they're one gender (e.g., female) but are in actuality another gender (male). I know of instances where this has happened as well. Do NOT fool yourself into thinking that just because you've known someone for a year, he/she really is what he/she has told you. If you're a smart and wise person who doesn't discuss her/his personal life with random people, then you're fine and may not have to worry as much; but if you're a fool like many of us are, then you've got some lessons to learn, and you don't wanna learn them the hard way.
When I said this to an online female friend recently, she said to me, "But how do I know YOU are a female?" Good question, and I'm happy she asked. But here's how you might be able to determine whether someone's talking to you because she/he has some (evil) intentions or just because.
1. Interrogation. If someone you just met is asking you too many questions, PAUSE before answering. Ask yourself why you're being asked so many questions all of a sudden by someone you just met. Sure, the normal "hi, how are you? How many siblings you have? Where are you from?" etc. are fine, but even then, you don't need to tell someone where you live, what your parents do, where you go to school, etc.
2. Request for personal information. If someone asks for your phone number, your home address (rarely happens, I think, but still), your photos, etc. during your first few conversations, don't share. I understand it's tempting and all, but fight the urge. The world isn't gonna end if you wait a while and feel more comfortable.
(Some more hints I'll share later, ka khairee.)
Major advice: Don't be afraid of telling someone you don't feel comfortable answering a certain question. In fact, I suggest you test a person by saying this to one of his/her questions to get an idea of what the response will be like. If the person starts laughing or says, "Oh come on! You don't trust me?" That's a mighty sign right there that this person isn't to be trusted. If he/she was worth your trust, the response would have been different -- something more like, "All right. We can talk about this when you're comfortable then (if ever)" or "Oh, sorry. Never mind."
So, again, if you don't feel comfortable answering a question, watch how the person reacts. If there's any pressure involved, force the person out of your life right away to prevent yourself from being hurt later on. Someone who's truly worth befriending will never pressure you to answer their questions or share something with them that you don't want them to see, at least yet.
If you're afraid of the person's reaction or fear that if you say no to them for something, they'll leave you, that means you have some self-confidence to gain. Don't be afraid of saying no, especially in such important moments. Be strong, and stand up for yourself. You deserve to be respected, and no one has any right to put you in an uncomfortable situation that might later cause you to so much unrest that you won't be able to sleep.
I must add that sometimes when the other person shows us their picture, we feel like we can trust them by showing our own (or if they share some personal information, we feel comforted and think we can trust them with our own as well). WRONG! Do NOT do this! You don't know if they're telling you the truth; you don't know if they showed you their own picture. Again, be patient and wait a long while before sharing anything. Judge them by how they interact you.
Also, many a times, our instincts are correct, and our conscience is there to guide us. So when you have this bad gut feeling about someone, that's a special sign that perhaps you shouldn't trust this person. What will happen if you don't trust this person until you feel more confident and are sure much later that you can trust her/him? Nothing. So be patient.
I'll add more later. I'm in a rush right now but I wanted this said desperately.
May we all be respected and appreciated everywhere we are! Aameen.
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