Spouses Do Not Grow More Alike, Study Finds

[Admin Khan]

ScienceDaily (Aug. 25, 2010) — Contrary to popular belief, married couples do not become more similar over time, according to a team of researchers led by Michigan State University


Instead, people tend to pick their spouse based on shared personality traits, the researchers report in the latest issue of the journal Personality and Individual Differences.
"Existing research shows that spouses are more similar than random people," said Mikhila Humbad, lead investigator. "This could reflect spouses' influence on each other over time, or this could be what attracted them to each other in the first place. Our goal in conducting this study was to help resolve this debate."
The researchers analyzed the data of 1,296 married couples, one of the largest such studies to date, said Humbad, MSU doctoral candidate in clinical psychology. The data came from the Minnesota Center for Twin and Family Research.
The researchers wanted to know if husbands and wives become more similar as the marriage progressed. They examined a host of personality characteristics and found that, in most cases, the couples did not become more alike with more years of marriage.
The conclusion: Spousal similarity is better explained by selection than gradual convergence.
The one exception to this pattern was aggression. "It makes sense if you think about it," Humbad said. "If one person is violent, the other person may respond in a similar fashion and thus become more aggressive over time."
The research could have implications for future spouses as well as their offspring. "Marrying someone who's similar to you may increase the likelihood that you'll pass those traits on to your children," Humbad said.
The findings also come amid the backdrop of a booming matchmaking industry in which companies attempt to match people based on similar characteristics, she noted.
The research team also included M. Brent Donnellan and S. Alexandra Burt from the MSU Department of Psychology and William G. Iacono and Matthew McGue from the University of Minnesota.


Spouses do not grow more alike, study finds

[PFgulalai]

I kinda agree with Swat..could be due to our culture,lol..I have seen my female family members/friends almost becoming similar to their husbands after marriage. Their present perspective about issues was not the one I hear now!!!They changed (or adapted) so much that I find it hard sometimes that if they were the same individuals X,Y,Z,lol..While there is no harm in becoming like your spouse but I feel bad when it happens forcefully, and not through mutual love, respect,and care. But there are many couples in my family who do think similar--for instance, my parents who even think the same like in terms of what to be cooked today or tomorrow, and all those political and social issues....but both have maintained their individualities and that is what I like about the best couple in the world.

[Admin Khan]

Gulalai,
In my opinion dependence and independence plays a crucial role in this one. When a wife is dependent on her husband the chances of her being influenced with his choices and desires will rise. For example, she might start watching Basketball games, she might start fixing her hair the way he likes it. etc.

When the wife is independent the tables might turn.

[PFgulalai]

Gulalai,
In my opinion dependence and independence plays a crucial role in this one. When a wife is dependent on her husband the chances of her being influenced with his choices and desires will rise. For example, she might start watching Basketball games, she might start fixing her hair the way he likes it. etc.

When the wife is independent the tables might turn.

That's true for our culture. I don't have personal experiences with the western couples but in our culture women do change drastically after marriage.They have to go through lot of transitions and have to suppress lot of their wishes/desires. For example, not allowing a married girl to look after her father because her first job is to take care of mother-in-law,although I think the husband is more responsible towards his mother in such situation.Similarly, while the husband continue to meet his friends, the girl is advised to stop meeting her friends. Also, things like she should wear or eat this and that, or she should think or should not think,blah,blah. Everything for the guy remains the same; the girl is supposed to CHANGE only and that too in a span of a week or month, considering the kind of pressue she has from her in-laws.After the initial resistance (more or less), she understands that the only way through which she would be able to survive her marriage is to forget herself.She is the same for every person but with a dead spirit yet she is happy!!!
Oh well, exceptions of varied degree are there. There are couples in my family/friends who are like those "made for each other" sort, and the partners feel both depedent as well as independent but those are rare cases.

[Roshina]

This conclusion is entirely culture-based. The subjects they use in such studies would be your average Americans, say, and I doubt most Pashtuns are average Americans (though they might be American citizens, it doesn't make all of them Americans in lifestyle necessarily). Besides, many easterners get married to people whom their elders/parents choose for them, although they might have a choice in it. And I think rarely would this have to do with how alike or unlike the couple is.

It makes sense, however, that people would choose their spouses based on shared personality traits -- or shared beliefs (not necessarily religious ones; personal ones as well). But I think that since traits change with time, this should not be the major focus of couples when deciding to get married. But then again, everything changes with time, even one's beliefs, so never mind.

I agree with Gulalai and Admin Khan that whichever spouse is the dominant one in whichever case, the other spouse may inevitably be influenced. In other cases, though, it may be that you love a certain trait or attitude of your spouse so much that you adopt it yourself; it is equally possible that because your spouse does or says something so regularly, you start doing the same thing just out of habit and out of extreme exposure to that particular quality.

As long as there is no compulsion involved, I am totally okay with whatever or however the spouses become after marriage.

[PFgulalai]

Gulalai what you said isn't always true.

Of course, that is why I said "exceptions are there".