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Since we all have seen that not all of us here know how to debate, or hold discussions in a proper manner, particularly when religion is involved, I thought maybe we should remind each other of the etiquette of debate/discussions.
Before you involve yourself in ANY discussion, be it religious or political or social or of any other sort, please try to remember that not all those who belong to your religion/race will have the same beliefs as you do. That doesn’t mean you get personal with them or play the role of a judge and decide who’s right and who’s wrong. Also keep in mind that we all need to know HOW to have discussions before we get into them.
And, so, I’ll give a few suggestions that I hope we’ll try to act on, and my hope and expectation are that other members will also provide their suggestions, especially if they are based on their own experiences and observations (all of this is based on mine).
Representing Yourself
I’m sure we all realize the importance of representing oneself or someone/something else. We ALL here represent our religion (Islam and hence all Muslims) and our culture (Pashtunwali and hence all Pashtuns), as much as I myself hate that this is the case. What I mean by this is that when one Muslim/Pashtun does something bad, the entire world judges ALL Muslims/Pashtuns as bad people who don’t know how to make a point properly, or who always turn to cursing and abuses as their best weapon in arguments. Yet, when one or even most of us refuse to curse and always use a respectful language in all arguments, no one attributes it to our religion or culture. So please, please try to give a better image to your people, be they just Muslims or just Pashtuns or all.
Besides, we also represent our families and our own selves as individuals, and whether we like it or not, everyone – EVERYONE – judges us by the way we present our perspectives on public forums like PashtunForums.
The point: Please talk properly; the world is watching you, and you don’t wanna worsen the image of Pashtuns and Muslims worldwide. ANNND you want people to respect you just as they expect you to respect them.
If you don't know how to appreciate yourself and your identity, or refuse to believe that your identity plays a role in allowing others to treat you a certain way, you may read a blog entry of mine that discusses this. It's called "Embracing Your Identity" and can be accessed through this link - http://qrratugai.blogspot.com/2009/1...g-oneself.html.
Cursing
Please do not curse. It really makes you look bad and pathetic. And I’m one of those people who just CANNOT read a post that has curse words in it. I don’t skim through it: I completely ignore it.
Capital Letters
Please avoid using capital letters as much as possible in your posts. It makes YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE YELLING EVEN WHEN YOU MIGHT NOT MEAN TO APPEAR THAT WAY! (See what I mean? I wasn’t yelling, but it must have seemed that way to some.) Besides, no one likes to be yelled at, and we’re all mature adults here so I’d expect that there’s no need for anyone to yell at anyone else.
Too many Exclamation/Question Marks
Please try not to use more than one exclamation point and/or question mark at a time. It’s just not professional!!!!!!!!! Do you get my point????? (no, wait, lemme make it worse: DO YOU GET MY POINT????!!!) (Sorry – that’s an example.) No more than two should ever be necessary, but even if they are, don’t make it a habit.
(Oh, and while we’re at it … lemme also remind you that it’s not professional to use more than “three†dots (...) either. The most is 4, but the last period indicates the end of a sentence; otherwise, it’s 3 and is called an ellipsis).
References
Always provide references for your claims. If you can’t find proof for something you say, then you must not make such a claim at all. Just saying "scholars say so" doesn’t work. ‘cause you gotta name or list the scholars; what is their credibility? What exactly ARE they scholars in? Where did they get their "ijaazah" (permission) and/or degrees from? Who are/were their teachers? And so on.
Not all Humans are Alike
Yes, whether we like to accept it or not, not all humans are alike. Not all Muslims believe the same way (or express their faith in the same way), and not all Pashtuns practice Pashtunwali the same way, either. So when you label something as “Islamic/un-Islamic†or “Pashtun/un-Pashtun,†remember that you’re defining Islam and Pashtunwali right there, and that means you shouldn’t be afraid of being challenged, then, ‘cause someone is BOUND to disagree with your definition, concepts, and understanding.
If you don’t like to accept this fact, then just don’t ever, EVER get into ANY discussions 'cause you're going to have a miserable experience and may constantly allow yourself to be attacked by others. It's just not a good feeling. (Whaaat, I was once a dumb little girl, and always got offended when someone would disagree with me! Now, it's not like that anymore. Perhaps a result of several years of debates on controversial topics, lol. All worth it, I tell you.)
My point: Don’t expect everyone to agree with you on even a few things; there will be disagreements, and they should be tolerated as long as they do not harm or offend you or another individual.
When someone challenges your view, you should be happy; it’s a chance you to not only share your knowledge with someone (which may be your explanation for your particular perspective that’s being challenged), but also a chance for you to learn something from a peer.
When disagreements DO arise, which they will more often than we might want them to, remember the Quran's advice:
"Call unto the way of your Lord with wisdom and goodly exhortation, and argue with them in a way that is best" (4:149).
Of course, we don't have to limit this to discussions/arguments/debates with just non-Muslims; it could, and in fact should, apply to all people. So, when you want to make a point or support your arguments, you want to use good manners and argue in a way that is best. "Best" here, I would propose, means that you want to talk to them in a way that you expect THEM to talk to YOU.
Now, before this post gets miserably long, I'll submit it. BUT! In the next post, ka khairee, I'm going to emphasize the importance of having stimulating discussions.
Summary of the entire post:
Please, PLEASE be respectful towards ALL members; that means talk to them the same way you wish they would talk to you in. Maybe this whole world would be such a pleasant place if we actually did that . . .
Before you involve yourself in ANY discussion, be it religious or political or social or of any other sort, please try to remember that not all those who belong to your religion/race will have the same beliefs as you do. That doesn’t mean you get personal with them or play the role of a judge and decide who’s right and who’s wrong. Also keep in mind that we all need to know HOW to have discussions before we get into them.
And, so, I’ll give a few suggestions that I hope we’ll try to act on, and my hope and expectation are that other members will also provide their suggestions, especially if they are based on their own experiences and observations (all of this is based on mine).
Representing Yourself
I’m sure we all realize the importance of representing oneself or someone/something else. We ALL here represent our religion (Islam and hence all Muslims) and our culture (Pashtunwali and hence all Pashtuns), as much as I myself hate that this is the case. What I mean by this is that when one Muslim/Pashtun does something bad, the entire world judges ALL Muslims/Pashtuns as bad people who don’t know how to make a point properly, or who always turn to cursing and abuses as their best weapon in arguments. Yet, when one or even most of us refuse to curse and always use a respectful language in all arguments, no one attributes it to our religion or culture. So please, please try to give a better image to your people, be they just Muslims or just Pashtuns or all.
Besides, we also represent our families and our own selves as individuals, and whether we like it or not, everyone – EVERYONE – judges us by the way we present our perspectives on public forums like PashtunForums.
The point: Please talk properly; the world is watching you, and you don’t wanna worsen the image of Pashtuns and Muslims worldwide. ANNND you want people to respect you just as they expect you to respect them.
If you don't know how to appreciate yourself and your identity, or refuse to believe that your identity plays a role in allowing others to treat you a certain way, you may read a blog entry of mine that discusses this. It's called "Embracing Your Identity" and can be accessed through this link - http://qrratugai.blogspot.com/2009/1...g-oneself.html.
Cursing
Please do not curse. It really makes you look bad and pathetic. And I’m one of those people who just CANNOT read a post that has curse words in it. I don’t skim through it: I completely ignore it.
Capital Letters
Please avoid using capital letters as much as possible in your posts. It makes YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE YELLING EVEN WHEN YOU MIGHT NOT MEAN TO APPEAR THAT WAY! (See what I mean? I wasn’t yelling, but it must have seemed that way to some.) Besides, no one likes to be yelled at, and we’re all mature adults here so I’d expect that there’s no need for anyone to yell at anyone else.
Too many Exclamation/Question Marks
Please try not to use more than one exclamation point and/or question mark at a time. It’s just not professional!!!!!!!!! Do you get my point????? (no, wait, lemme make it worse: DO YOU GET MY POINT????!!!) (Sorry – that’s an example.) No more than two should ever be necessary, but even if they are, don’t make it a habit.
(Oh, and while we’re at it … lemme also remind you that it’s not professional to use more than “three†dots (...) either. The most is 4, but the last period indicates the end of a sentence; otherwise, it’s 3 and is called an ellipsis).
References
Always provide references for your claims. If you can’t find proof for something you say, then you must not make such a claim at all. Just saying "scholars say so" doesn’t work. ‘cause you gotta name or list the scholars; what is their credibility? What exactly ARE they scholars in? Where did they get their "ijaazah" (permission) and/or degrees from? Who are/were their teachers? And so on.
Not all Humans are Alike
Yes, whether we like to accept it or not, not all humans are alike. Not all Muslims believe the same way (or express their faith in the same way), and not all Pashtuns practice Pashtunwali the same way, either. So when you label something as “Islamic/un-Islamic†or “Pashtun/un-Pashtun,†remember that you’re defining Islam and Pashtunwali right there, and that means you shouldn’t be afraid of being challenged, then, ‘cause someone is BOUND to disagree with your definition, concepts, and understanding.
If you don’t like to accept this fact, then just don’t ever, EVER get into ANY discussions 'cause you're going to have a miserable experience and may constantly allow yourself to be attacked by others. It's just not a good feeling. (Whaaat, I was once a dumb little girl, and always got offended when someone would disagree with me! Now, it's not like that anymore. Perhaps a result of several years of debates on controversial topics, lol. All worth it, I tell you.)
My point: Don’t expect everyone to agree with you on even a few things; there will be disagreements, and they should be tolerated as long as they do not harm or offend you or another individual.
When someone challenges your view, you should be happy; it’s a chance you to not only share your knowledge with someone (which may be your explanation for your particular perspective that’s being challenged), but also a chance for you to learn something from a peer.
When disagreements DO arise, which they will more often than we might want them to, remember the Quran's advice:
"Call unto the way of your Lord with wisdom and goodly exhortation, and argue with them in a way that is best" (4:149).
Of course, we don't have to limit this to discussions/arguments/debates with just non-Muslims; it could, and in fact should, apply to all people. So, when you want to make a point or support your arguments, you want to use good manners and argue in a way that is best. "Best" here, I would propose, means that you want to talk to them in a way that you expect THEM to talk to YOU.
Now, before this post gets miserably long, I'll submit it. BUT! In the next post, ka khairee, I'm going to emphasize the importance of having stimulating discussions.
Summary of the entire post:
Please, PLEASE be respectful towards ALL members; that means talk to them the same way you wish they would talk to you in. Maybe this whole world would be such a pleasant place if we actually did that . . .
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