"Am I Pretty?"

[Roshina]

I'm posting this in the Education section for a reason. This is a message to all those girls/women who are always asking themselves if they're pretty, or are waiting for a man to tell them that they're pretty. This poetry moved me so much I am breathless!

Oh, and this is intended SOLELY to help you open your eyes a bit, NOT to ask you what you think of the average western woman. Before you tell me what a woman you can't identify with is in your opinion, ask yourself what YOU or the women you know that you can identify with are like.

Enjoooooy!

YouTube - Katie Makkai - Pretty

[Zayam]

Roshina!!!!!

That was fantastic! Thank you so much! (I hope my daughter was listening)

[Zayam]

It worked for me! I am pretty patient....

[Laila]

I just saw your post on Facebook :D

My sister used to get jealous when someone would call me beautiful, or compliment something of me. She used to hid my pictures that my mom would put around the house....all because she thought she wasnt pretty or pretty enough, she thought she lived behind my shadow.

I am going to show her that video right now

Btw, it works on facebook

[Laila]

She had a very powerful tone and attitude

[Master Khan]

womens

[unknownprince]

wow, so this thread is basically about: lets talk about our sisters

sibling rivalries are not unheard of!

and maybe is not a good taste of conversation.

[Laila]

I think the purpose was to tell the ladies you do not need a man....or anyone else for that matter to define or tell you that you are beautiful

[Laila]

OMG! That is such a cute emoticon....yahoo?

[Laila]

It really had nothing to do with sibling rivalry.

It had a meaning to it. I am beautiful no matter who i am and what i am. I do not need to get compliments from anyone. I do not need a man to stand in front of me, and tell me that i am beautiful. Especially, damn especially media.

Women are constantly seen as sexual objects in the media: magazines, movies, shows, even in stores. So, when women are portrayed like this, then what happened to beauty, and uniqueness?

Actually, 'pretty' 'beautiful' to me, are useless and worthless words. Females do not need and should not let others define them.

Very inspiring piece from this woman. Though, this is the first time i have ever heard of her

[unknownprince]

It really had nothing to do with sibling rivalry.

It had a meaning to it. I am beautiful no matter who i am and what i am. I do not need to get compliments from anyone. I do not need a man to stand in front of me, and tell me that i am beautiful. Especially, damn especially media.

Women are constantly seen as sexual objects in the media: magazines, movies, shows, even in stores. So, when women are portrayed like this, then what happened to beauty, and uniqueness?

Actually, 'pretty' 'beautiful' to me, are useless and worthless words. Females do not need and should not let others define them.

Very inspiring piece from this woman. Though, this is the first time i have ever heard of her

Thats better.

[Laila]

^ If anything, i love her tone. She sounded very strong and passionate, I really respect that.

[Laila]

^ I Know! I didn't know she existed either! And I like to know and meet ALL women who serve as such a great source of empowerment for females. It's like, why didn't I know she existed! Well, now that I do, the best I can do is share her words of wisdom with as many females as possible. I'm going to burn this and other poems/lectures like this into a CD and play them each time I'm in my car.

And you're absolutely correct, Laila. Good to hear you consider yourself beautiful regardless of what anyone else might say or think. Sure, it's great to hear the beloved remind you how beautiful you are -- but to like totally DEPEND on him to make you happy by saying those words is really stupid of the many women who do this. How can someone else view you as beautiful if you don't think you are beautiful? How can you expect another person to respect you if you don't respect your own self?

Exactly

[BarakzaiAbdali]

I was taking a gander at this. Its an interesting question, what and who determines beauty and attractiveness?

However, the stigma and paradigm of an incorrect or grossly exaggerated idea on it go both ways, and hurt both sexes, more in the current Muslim and Indian Hindu societies than anywhere else I might add.

First, there is the question of visualized/observed aesthetic beauty. One might quantify this differently between the sexes. You could say that if you took pictures of girls or boys X,Y,Z, and showed it to N number of people, who had no familiarity with these individuals' personalities, and drew the pictures and assessers from diverse backgrounds, that there might be greater votes going for people with proportional features, a certain physique, etc. However, even that may vary in obscure places. That is more often what plastic surgeons concern themselves with. From what my family member in the field tells me, its not at all their advocacy that they for example offer a "white girl's" nose to a girl with asiatic or middle eastern origin or a roman aquiline nose to a man from those regions. A part of it appears to be based on a theory that symmetry imparts a strong genetic profile. However, I would not go too far into accepting this line of reasoning yet because various subtypes of Bencze's syndrome are being proven by opthalmologists to be attributable to combinations of strabismus (eye disorders) and/or torticollis (neck disorder). Simple solutions like temporary helmets for children that are diagnosed with these plagiocephaly instigating disorders early enough avert and avoid the sometimes nuanced results of plagiocephaly that can create such assymetry.

Next is what appeals to the carnal mindset. Pornography, Kim Kardashian, Pamela Andersen, Baywatch, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (need I say more?), the multitude of images that assault the eye day in and day out and their design have an intention to capitilize not necessarily on the aesthetic beauty detailed above, but to garner a carnal response. Aesthetic beauty and carnal beauty are not mutually exclusive and can be found together, but the second can probably vary a bit more on area and on the time in which you live (extreme tanning and stick thin figure with fake silicone implants may have been considered un couth and completely unattractive in the Victorian era). Aesthetic beauty is, on the other hand, timeless. James Joyce, in his Portrait of the Artist really harpes on this definition of beauty and the climax of his novel is when Stephen Dedealus comes up with this theory on what beauty and art are. So the Europeans have been chasing aesthetic beauty and trying to define it for a while now.

As for the man and what makes him attractive, it is interesting because Jerry Seinfeld once joked that a man has to be a professional to go home and see the in laws but the girl can be a butcher for a living or a cosmetic specialist and the other sets of in-laws care less. That was in the mid 90s or so. Things are changing across the world, but there still is a major semblance of associating perhaps strength?/attractiveness? with profession when it comes to men. I noted in my other thread how back in the 1980s, in the new immigrant communities from the Muslim world, being a simple doctor would suffice, but as the ranks of physicians have swelled, people are starting to discriminate in most ludicrous of ways. I heard one village Pashtun lady, who had no education herself, her husband was a well to do engineer, advise her son to "do cardiology" because primary care doctors and pediatricians were jokers. It is not that much different in the Arab or Indian communities I might add. I think this is a dangeous development for three reasons:

1) Any good solid dependable profession where a male or female can provide for their family and that offers them with an educated view of the world ought to be considered as an accomplishment. When folks from cultures/societies become overly specialized in one direction they lack creativity and lose interest in other specialities that can help advance their agenda. For example, Afghanistan and the NWFP suffer from the lack of a solid and dependable electrical grid system (it wont be doctors that build or design these... it will be electrical, mechanical, and computer engineers). Infrastructure has been destroyed and it will require civil engineers to do that. Islamic thought processes and theology are in shambles and while the best the Muslim world produces as a Dr. Azmi (no small accomplishment), the West is even leading in that regard with folks like Dr. G Puin doing quiet a bit of selective damage through the guise of orientalism; Muslims have little to counter with at this point. Finally, Governing techniques are lacking and political scientists are needed to rejuvinate them in accordance with the will of the populace.

2) What lies behind the mask? Just because the male of female has an education that is highly celebrated by society, it does not make them infallible. I had the unfortunate situation in which I saw a relatively Islamic appearing male individual with an MD and training in a solid specialty marry a girl here right out of high school. He proceeded to heap abuses and excessive demands on her family and her and eventually the marriage broke down in a very short period of time. He subsequently utilized is resources to deny her the Islamic Mahar. Other docs I know, from all sorts of religious and ethnic backgrounds carry on affairs in and out of the hospital. Buyer beware, understand that Roshina is right in some regard, a female has to not fall suspect to the idea that there is a prince out there ready to save her. The point of all this is that assigning false beauty/masculinity where it may actually be lacking is dangerous.

3) The paradigm is shifting even in third world countries. I recently met two families from Peshawar and Jalalabad. Both told me that it is actually becoming difficult to get married back there for females now. I asked what was the driving force, was it poverty etc? The fathers said no, but rather that good families were unwilling to marry girls who also lacked an MD a DDS or a PhD. I was astounded... that is about 75% of the populace. This is also problematic because many of these societies need functioning physicians, dentists, and other professionals. Recently, Khyber Pashtunkhwas chief medical officer noted that there was a growing deficit of physicians because many of these females that recieved the MBBS degree did not proceed to practice. A few candidates were asked as to why this was the case and they answered that certainly, their marriage prospects increased with achieving an MBBS degree and that they preferred to not practice subsequently. This mindset leaves a huge gaping hole in the ability of the province to provide care for their people and it denies the females their chance to use their knowledge for the greater good.

Finally, the slave mentality also appears to plague the whole of the Muslim world. I've done my best to grow past this and am realizing that beauty truly does exist in all quarters of the world under all colors. However Imperial rule really did a number on us and we assigned a higher status to the light skinned. Its a shame that our women are driven to take up using that fair and lovely crap that they advertise in India and other areas. The Arabs suffer from a similar disorder or sorts.

For guys attempting to find a suitable partner, taking this approach and seeking out what society defines as carnally or aesthetically beautiful and leaving aside the other more important stabilizers to quality of life can result in quiet a bit of misery. Confidence and beauty may go hand in hand, but accomplishment and beauty do not necessarily go hand in hand.

In the end, Shakespeare said is in his poetry: "When forty winters shall besiege thy brow..." and the Prophet Muhammad (S) openly stated it when he said that men marry for a multitude of things, beauty being one of them, but that there are far more important things that result in a happy marriage and as Roshina may be hinting at, a happy life independent of any other.