Parents and Marriage

[Talib Jan]

asSalamu `alaykum

So some parents are mad strict when it comes to who you're going to marry. Afghanee, Pashtana, Kandaree is what I sometimes halfheartedly hear...phew.... alhamdulillah at least it stopped there and didn't carry over to same kawm. However, I feel that they realize that this is a bit more challenging living in the west to find someone who meets your criteria. So my question is, why is there such a shortage of practicing, religious Pashtana sisters especially in universities and masajid? Is it only like this on the east coast?

[Catya Sher]

Shkapar_Dorwaza,
or any others too --

that's a very important point
WHY is it that there are so few pious Pashtanas -
and
WHAT would you estimate is the ratio of pious to secular or

and maybe too
the ratio of
airy-vague types floating from this to that fake venue
to very directed, sure of themselves, strong Muslim women among
Pashtuns and/or Afghans overall?

This subject is important because it shows either how faith is eroded
or maintained or even improved due to abiding in America --

Sorry you are having a difficult time to locate the right type of wife.

[Laila]

asSalamu `alaykum

So some parents are mad strict when it comes to who you're going to marry. Afghanee, Pashtana, Kandaree is what I sometimes halfheartedly hear...phew.... alhamdulillah at least it stopped there and didn't carry over to same kawm. However, I feel that they realize that this is a bit more challenging living in the west to find someone who meets your criteria. So my question is, why is there such a shortage of practicing, religious Pashtana sisters especially in universities and masajid? Is it only like this on the east coast?

And I can say the same about the men as well

By the way brother, you need to look outside of your area, university, and masjid.

[Talib Jan]

Shkapar_Dorwaza,
or any others too --

that's a very important point
WHY is it that there are so few pious Pashtanas -
and
WHAT would you estimate is the ratio of pious to secular or

and maybe too
the ratio of
airy-vague types floating from this to that fake venue
to very directed, sure of themselves, strong Muslim women among
Pashtuns and/or Afghans overall?

This subject is important because it shows either how faith is eroded
or maintained or even improved due to abiding in America --

Sorry you are having a difficult time to locate the right type of wife.

Sorry but I didn't understand some of what you said but I got the gist of it. When it comes to piety, we can't really measure that because it is a state of the heart but what we can see is their religiousness, or how practicing they are such as whether they pray, cover, maintain haya', etc. As we know, the Prophet (saw) advised that we look for the religious sisters even if we don't know of their piety or akhlaq. Whereas for the male, the Prophet (saw) explicitly mentioned that his akhlaq and religion must be examined. From what I have heard from the scholars is that this is because the nature of the female is that if she is religious, her akhlaq will most likely adjust to that of her husband's, and if he is of good character, she will also adapt to that nature. Masha'Allah that's just how they were created. And Allah knows best.

So yeah, the question remains, why do we lack religious Pashtun sisters in the uni, masjid, classes etc.? There must be some hidden gems some where.

[Laila]

So brother, my question to you is, what makes you think there is a lack of? And this is something you have noticed just in your area, right? or do you think in general?

[Talib Jan]

And I can say the same about the men as well

By the way brother, you need to look outside of your area, university, and masjid.

I'm sure you can as I'm the only Pashtun that I know of in all of my university, and my university is the biggest in the state with over 4000 Muslims.

To be honest, looking outside your area is harder than it sounds especially if you don't have any older sisters. My cousin from Canada just got married recently and he has 3 older sisters and it took mad long to find a religious Pashtun sister. Getting married here is not hard at all alhamdulillah, it's just that I would like to keep the Pashtun in my blood (no nationalism intended).

This is a very helpful du`aa:

And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous."

[Talib Jan]

So brother, my question to you is, what makes you think there is a lack of? And this is something you have noticed just in your area, right? or do you think in general?

Let me clarify. When I say lack of, I mean in the public arena such as school, organizations, MSA's, institutes etc. I don't mean that we lack them in a general sense because I have heard of religious sisters who live at home and because of their parents decisions do not attend college or leave the house which is respectable. I know this "phenomenon" is definitely in my area but I suspect it might be the same in others places as well except for maybe VA or places like Fremont, Ca where there's a kabab house on every corner.

[Laila]

Oh i am so sorry, I have completely misunderstood your initial post. I thought you meant that there was lack of religious and cultural values in Pashtunas in the West. I apologize.


But i can definitely see where you are coming from. The ASA and MSA charity, religious, and cultural events we have in California, majority non Pashtunas are actively involved.

[Talib Jan]

Oh i am so sorry, I have completely misunderstood your initial post. I thought you meant that there was lack of religious and cultural values in Pashtunas in the West.

We'll keep this topic for another time. lol

[Laila]

LOL sorry, its been such a long day for me

[graveyardofempires]

hmmm
you should reintegrate

[Talib Jan]

hmmm
you should reintegrate

what do you mean?

[Master Khan]

Just marry back home bro, its quite hard finding a proper muslim girl here.

[Talib Jan]

Just marry back home bro, its quite hard finding a proper muslim girl here.

Yeah that's definitely an option and that's actually what I prefer since they'll most likely have their Pashtana traits. The only thing is that many tell me that it'll be hard for her to adapt to this society especially when raising kids. But I have a hard time accepting that :/. And one brother said something funny trying to encourage me to marry here: who will marry the sisters in America if everyone marries overseas? I was like wow that's a great point. NOT.