Boys but Especially Men

[Zayam]

While living in the East, I was surprised at some things I noticed in the family.

1. Men often albeit playfully used their sisters veil to wipe their mouths on after eating.

2. Women packed for their husbands, brothers, when the former was taking a trip-have heard the story, of a man in the west, who called his wife at 3:00 a.m. to ask why something he needed wasn't in his suitcase.

3. In these modern days when often both genders in the west work outside of the home, I have heard men from the east say, they still expect their wives to cook, clean, and take care of all chores in the home-men in the west, as is my experience would chore chores, if both husband and wife are working. My experience with western couples has been there is much more discussion, and sharing of all responsibilities involving home and children.

4. I have heard many couples speak of this, and the women always say that when the children are sick, the mother takes care of them, and when their husbands are sick, the wife takes care of them (and they behave like big babies-she mentioned), but when the mother gets sick, she is just sick, and still carries her full load, she doesn't feel well while carrying it.

4. If a man is unemployed in the East should he not share chores in the home, and not simply be wandering the bazaar and drinking tea?


So my question is: Do mothers in the east train their sons to be lazy and often disrespectful toward women? Or do we from the west just interrupt it so, that men in the east take a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng time in growing up?

[Laila]

^ I think you raised a good point. I am surprised no one has answered here yet. I know, for sure, my mother has brought up my brother in the wrong way. He is so lazy, actually lazy is not entirely the right word, its more of not being independent. He doesnt even know where the dishes go, he doesnt know how to turn on the washing machine. He cant do anything himself. My father once got so mad, literally, he kept on saying you are babying your adult son. While my mother gives the excuse as, 'he is my son.'

I know, and i am not going to generalize, not all of our men are like that here in the West, or back home. But many i have seen, are. And its because of the mothers.

The guy i am getting engaged to, inshallah, thank goodness he is not like this. He does everything himself, he doesnt dare to tell his sisters or mother to do something for him. And he lives back in Afghanistan.

i think, the responsibilities at home, should be equaled out. In this day and age, majority of both the parents work outside of home. So i think the husband should share household chores. Like while the wife cooks, it would be nice for the husband to set the table and/or wash dishes. Same if the husband cooks (some do), then the wife should set the table and/or wash dishes. If there is laundry to be done, both should sit down, do each others clothes and interact. It's funny, the more the husband and wife sit down and do chores together, the more they can interact. Instead of the husband sitting on the couch watching tv, while the wife is in the kitchen cooking.


But yeah, i do think some men need to grow up, and stop depending on their mothers, wife, and sisters doing their work for them.

[Zayam]

^ I think you raised a good point. I am surprised no one has answered here yet.

i think, the responsibilities at home, should be equaled out......and interact. It's funny, the more the husband and wife sit down and do chores together, the more they can interact. Instead of the husband sitting on the couch watching tv, while the wife is in the kitchen cooking.

Laila!!!

This is a wonderful point that you made, about interacting.

I think husband and wife should be closer than anyone else that the spend time with. Peace and caring begins in the home, with those one is closest to. How can we expect nations to live in peace when we are not even able to do it with our spouse?

People need interaction in order to get a long, in order to understand each other. The more time we spend together working on a given project or goal the better our relationships will be.

I applaud you Laila, and am happy the man you marry sounds like a man and not a boy.

Zayam

[IamDZJ]

that is how some people define men and women. women are to stay home and work on their housekeeping skills so they can attract better suitors for marriage which leads to raising son's whose permission you must seek before stepping outside the door some day when he is of the age and the man of the family....and men must make sure that their children are well fed and that their wives never find the need to step outside the door looking for a job or running errands...
men are not supposed to have feminine characteristics because being a woman is apparently something to be ashamed of.


in the west mothers raise their son's the way they do because they know that no woman will allow herself to be known as the property of the man she married who demands for food to be on the table when and however he shall want to have it.

in the east women are taught to earn themselves that particular title with out which they might as well not exist for their existence with out the title of being a man's sister, wife or daughter is pretty much worthless.

IS THE INCREASING AMOUNT OF TEENAGE PREGNANCY ISSUES OF THE WEST THE RESULT OF THE NEGLIGENCE ON BEHALF OF MOTHERS WHO FAIL TO PROVIDE THEIR CHILDREN (SPECIALLY DAUGHTERS) WITH BETTER/SAFE SEX EDUCATION?
good citizenship under the influence of cultural conformity is not based on questioning or defying it.