I struggle in feeling accepted by my own Pashtuns

[Laila]

I struggle in feeling accepted by my own Pashtuns.

[Admin Khan]

Hi Laila,

I would begin by apologizing for setting up this thread without your consent. Let's just say I couldn't help it. I just came home from work, I am extremely tired, I read your post, I slammed my head against the wall and began typing this.

you said,

I struggle in feeling accepted by my own Pashtuns.

I am a Pashtun, I accept you. I accept you as a Muslimah who is proud of her roots. You should never allow someone to tell you who you are. You are a proud Pashtana who wishes and strives to see our people successful. I know exactly what your talking about. How that thought has arisen is beyond my comprehension but please do me a favor and never forget that you are nothing less than a Pashtana. You are wrong for saying such a thing, you should never feel that way, no one should make you feel that way. We the community of Pashtuns embrace you not only as a Pashtana but something more than that. You can't permit self-proclaimed scholars to create their own definitions of who is a Pashtun. They have no right to tell you who you are. This reminds me of Junior high school when everyone had their own little definitions as to who was cool. I never knew we had this much hostility within ourselves in the international diaspora.

Laila, we PF accept you as a Pashtana. You should very well know that I am not saying this to make you happy but I say this because I mean it. I am saying it because I have judged it by your efforts and your roots. I barely address topics like this because I know someone who lives far far away might be offended by my definition on who is a Pashtun. Let's Imagine someone who speaks Pashto, follows Pashtunwali, considers himself a Pashtun ends up reading a definition of 'who is Pashtun' and he happens to not fit that criteria, imagine how that person will feel? We should avoid further slashing our ethnic group with made up definitions. But don't worry, after a while or so, people will realize their attempt to "address" you know what was futile. Smile.

[شمله ور خراساني]

as a muslim/muslima you should never seek acceptance by people or the world.

As a muslim/muslima you should focus on seeking acceptance by allah.

This life is very short. You might not be able to live for another day. Who cares if Pashtuns do give you the warm feeling of acceptance or not? They wont be of any use in the after life.

That being said, I do think we as human beings need a sense of belonging. As a student of social sciences, I can tell you that having a community of your own and people who you recognize as your own can be very preferable for people.

But don't let this desire bother you. Because you are young. And when I was young I felt exactly like you do. But when you grow older this feeling of yours will decrease.

Focus on your religion, prayers, remembrance of allah and you will find peace.

[Mayana]

I am extremely sorry that you have to feel this way.
I apologize on behalf of all of those narrow-minded and brainwashed individuals that make you feel this way.


Here is what I told HinduPashtun, here's what I'll tell you.

Don't let others define who you are. Don't allow others to even have a say in defining your identity. YOU define who you are. Don't let people you don't even agree with, people you don't share any commonality with, people you'd advocate against define who you are.

I love you for the sake of Allah subhana wa ta'la. I accept you as a Pashtana.. but that doesn't matter because it SHOULDN'T matter. You're going to get dozens of replies of most of PF telling you how much they accept you as a Pashtana and so on. That shouldn't be necessary, though. Even if ALL of PF said they don't accept you, even if all Pashtuns around you said they don't accept you, even if all that were the case, YOU, as a Pashtana, would not give them and their judgment any value at all. Because you define yourself, you carry yourself with a Pashtun conduct, you hold your head up high as a Pashtana - no one can tell you what you are and what you are not. This honor, this sense of pride, this Ghairat, Nang and Namoos, is untouchable. No one can reach it, no one can touch it, no one should be able to come close to it. No matter what you do, there is no "Pashtun Court" that will revoke your Pashtun Card. You're Pashtun, you remain Pashtun and part of being Pashtun is defending your identity and standing up for who you are - no matter the response you might get.


And besides, your mindset, your behavior and your conduct is more Pashtuns than many here combined ever will be.

[Shamaar]

I struggle in feeling accepted by my own Pashtuns.

See, there we have it. A prime example of an exemplary Pashtana who, by someone else's criteria, apparently falls short.

Don't let the words of others define you. Those seeking to undermine others of their heritage are suffering from inferiority complexes themselves.

[Talal]

I hear ya, and unless im mistaken i dont think she is talking about this website or any internet forum for that matter.

[pukhtana]

We all accept you here. we all take pride in you.

But look at this though, interesting. If a stranger does one day want to look that up he will come only directly to PF automatically.

[pukhtana]

Hi Laila,

I would begin by apologizing for setting up this thread without your consent. Let's just say I couldn't help it. I just came home from work, I am extremely tired, I read your post, I slammed my head against the wall and began typing this.

you said,


I am a Pashtun, I accept you. I accept you as a Muslimah who is proud of her roots. You should never allow someone to tell you who you are. You are a proud Pashtana who wishes and strives to see our people successful. I know exactly what your talking about. How that thought has arisen is beyond my comprehension but please do me a favor and never forget that you are nothing less than a Pashtana. You are wrong for saying such a thing, you should never feel that way, no one should make you feel that way. We the community of Pashtuns embrace you not only as a Pashtana but something more than that. You can't permit self-proclaimed scholars to create their own definitions of who is a Pashtun. They have no right to tell you who you are. This reminds me of Junior high school when everyone had their own little definitions as to who was cool. I never knew we had this much hostility within ourselves in the international diaspora.

Please Laila, we PF accept you as a Pashtana. You should very well know that I am not saying this to make you happy but I say this because I mean it. I am saying it because I have judged it by your efforts and your roots. I barely address topics like this because I know someone who lives far far away might be offended by my definition on who is a Pashtun. Let's Imagine someone who speaks Pashto, follows Pashtunwali, considers himself a Pashtun ends up reading a definition of who is a Pashtun and he happens to not fit that criteria, imagine how that person will feel? We should avoid further slashing our ethnic group with made up definitions. But don't worry, after a while or so, people will realize their attempt to "address" you know what was futile. Smile.

Its good to see we share a similar stance.

[IamDZJ]

i have never been able to understand people's need for wanting to be accepted by others with in smaller groups or the society itself but i am sorry that i have no kind words to leave you here regarding that struggle of yours.

[khushal]

Laila,
Allah has created you a pashtuna and nobody can take that away from you, not even yourself. Be proud of who you are and everyone else will be proud of you.

[Nokia_Apridy]

Layla Khor STa yu Line pa Interview sec ka

ma tar Wos zan sra Tavez jor kray da

chay darsra TABAR QOOM peker da Nu Mung la

da ASMAN sotray ya.........Mannnnnnna

[Laila]

LOL! i didnt see this thread till now :D

But thank you everyone for your kind words.

Its a mental and emotional struggle. Yes, Talal is right. Its not form PF or any forum of that matter. Its sad that I hear it from my own Afghans. In the past, many have called me 'typical Kandahari sellout.' yes i knew that was going to raise some eyebrows....but i have heard it many times before, its nothing new to me. But it hurts. Even though i am not the type to give someone the time of day to feel superior to me, but sometimes it does hit a spot.

I love Afghanistan of all of its ethnicities, but i would like to feel a sense of comfort that i belong to one that acknowledges me, for who i am.

@Unknownprince, i actually do not know Pashto very well. In fact, i have learned a lot compared to before. Especially since there are learning resources here.

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But aside from this, when i was in Afghanistan, i never heard anything about language or ethnicity. When i was in Nangarhar, i heard nothing. When i was in Laghman, i heard nothing. When i was in Kabul, i heard nothing. When i was in Paghman, i heard nothing, absolutely nothing about ethnicity or language.....it seemed that nothing of these topics existed. As if Afghanistan is a jungle, filled with many different physical features, backgrounds, social status, tribe, ethnicity, and language. Each come from a different story, but at the end of day, the stories come together to make one journal, a country.

So why is it that, ethnicity and language is more talked about outside of that country?

I would like Shayesta and Darweshkhel to really give me their input since us three just came back from there. Of course, everyone else can share their input

[khushal]

Laila,
I feel the same as you sometimes, but at least you know the language. This does not mean I am not proud to be a pashtun.

Zahir, You are a pushtun wheather you know the language or not. Never feel otherwise, no matter what people tell you. All the afghans inside afghanistan and outside should be proud of people like you who at least aknowledges of their pashtun ethnicity and tries to learn their roots and tries to learn their language and is active discussing about things that relate to your ethnicity.

I know afghans that are ashamed to be called afghans and that wants nothing to do with anything afghan. Those are the sellouts not peope like you and laila.

[IamDZJ]

no matter where i went i have always felt more pashtun than anything else until i came to this place where intellectual views are supposed to be compared. i can't help but feel like i am along a bunch of strangers and thank God for that. i don't know if i should use these people as an example of something i should never wake up and find myself as being or walk as far away from as possible.
sometimes it's better not to get to know each other. i got to know my roots better and i have come to despise it. all that glory flushed down the toilet...

[IamDZJ]

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