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10 Road Accident Reports.
1 A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
2 The other car collided with mine without giving any warning.
3 Coming home, I drove into the wro0ng house and collided with a tree I did not have.
4 The pedestrian had no idea which way to go so I ran over him.
5 I was backing my car out of the driveway when it was struck by the other car in the same place it was struck several times before.
6 I was shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached a junction, a hedge jumped up, obscuring my view.
7 I told the police I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull.
8 In my attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
9 The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
10 An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
News Reports
5 Headlines
1 Youth Hit By Train is Rushed to Two Hospitals.
2 Golfing Immortal Dies Aged 69.
3 Flawless Take-Off Marred by Hitch.
4 Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana use.
5 Pepsi To Increase Recycled Content In Products.
5 News Articles
1 The glamorous 17 year old wants to be a policewoman, like her dad.
2 Although as a rider and breeder she has countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating.
3 Latest census figures show that more than one New Zealander is a Maori or Polynesian.
4 The driver involved in this incident asked that her gender not be revealed.
5 Visitors to the sandpit are advised that there is a prohibited area near the groin.
5 Things Children Said.
1 Four year old Sarah asked from the back of the car "Why are there more idiots on the road when Daddy is driving?"
2 "Why do we say "old men" after we say our prayers."
3 "I am glad I am finally eight. This is the oldest I have ever been."
4 "I had a fraction in my neck and had to go to hospital."
5 "When you were my age, you were just a baby."
5 Things Old People Said.
1 "Are you growing a beard or are you just lazy?"
2 "What did I come in here for?"
3 "My hair was made for a shorter person. I have grown through it"
4 "When I was your age, I was older than you."
5 Grandmother on a trip to the aquarium "you do not see the fish coming to the surface much to breathe do you?"
Famous Last Words
5 Dying People Who Got It Very Wrong
1 Douglas Fairbanks Sn. Said "I have never felt better."
2 George J Sedgewick, a Union commander said "They could not hit an elephant at that dist.....!"
3 Dylan Thomas, the famous poet - "I have had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's a record."
4 H.G. Wells the famous author said "Go away. I am alright."
5 Barry White the singer said "Leave me alone. I am fine."
5 Dying People Who Got It Right.
1 Al Jolson famously said "This is it. I am going. I am going."
2 The Irish comedian Spike Milligan was reported as saying "I told you I was ill."
3 Errol Flynn, the great swashbuckling actor was supposed to have said "That's it."
4 Lord Palmerston, a British Prime minister said "Die my dear doctor. That's the last thing I shall do."
5 Oscar Wilde - "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."
5 People Who Got Things Wrong In Their Lifetime.
1 The telephone was thought to have too many short comings to be considered as a means of easy communications according to a Western Union internal memo.
2 When told about the new invention of sound for the movies, H.M. Warner said "Who the h.... wants to hear actors talk."
3 An executive of the Decca Record Company turned down the Beatles because they did not like their sound and they thought guitar music was on the way out.
4 Lord Kelvin, president of the Royal Society which is dedicated to science, said that heavier than air flying machines were impossible.
5 Gary Cooper turned down the lead role in "Gone With the Wind" because he thought it would flop.
So think carefully bef
1 A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
2 The other car collided with mine without giving any warning.
3 Coming home, I drove into the wro0ng house and collided with a tree I did not have.
4 The pedestrian had no idea which way to go so I ran over him.
5 I was backing my car out of the driveway when it was struck by the other car in the same place it was struck several times before.
6 I was shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached a junction, a hedge jumped up, obscuring my view.
7 I told the police I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull.
8 In my attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
9 The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
10 An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
News Reports
5 Headlines
1 Youth Hit By Train is Rushed to Two Hospitals.
2 Golfing Immortal Dies Aged 69.
3 Flawless Take-Off Marred by Hitch.
4 Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana use.
5 Pepsi To Increase Recycled Content In Products.
5 News Articles
1 The glamorous 17 year old wants to be a policewoman, like her dad.
2 Although as a rider and breeder she has countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating.
3 Latest census figures show that more than one New Zealander is a Maori or Polynesian.
4 The driver involved in this incident asked that her gender not be revealed.
5 Visitors to the sandpit are advised that there is a prohibited area near the groin.
5 Things Children Said.
1 Four year old Sarah asked from the back of the car "Why are there more idiots on the road when Daddy is driving?"
2 "Why do we say "old men" after we say our prayers."
3 "I am glad I am finally eight. This is the oldest I have ever been."
4 "I had a fraction in my neck and had to go to hospital."
5 "When you were my age, you were just a baby."
5 Things Old People Said.
1 "Are you growing a beard or are you just lazy?"
2 "What did I come in here for?"
3 "My hair was made for a shorter person. I have grown through it"
4 "When I was your age, I was older than you."
5 Grandmother on a trip to the aquarium "you do not see the fish coming to the surface much to breathe do you?"
Famous Last Words
5 Dying People Who Got It Very Wrong
1 Douglas Fairbanks Sn. Said "I have never felt better."
2 George J Sedgewick, a Union commander said "They could not hit an elephant at that dist.....!"
3 Dylan Thomas, the famous poet - "I have had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's a record."
4 H.G. Wells the famous author said "Go away. I am alright."
5 Barry White the singer said "Leave me alone. I am fine."
5 Dying People Who Got It Right.
1 Al Jolson famously said "This is it. I am going. I am going."
2 The Irish comedian Spike Milligan was reported as saying "I told you I was ill."
3 Errol Flynn, the great swashbuckling actor was supposed to have said "That's it."
4 Lord Palmerston, a British Prime minister said "Die my dear doctor. That's the last thing I shall do."
5 Oscar Wilde - "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."
5 People Who Got Things Wrong In Their Lifetime.
1 The telephone was thought to have too many short comings to be considered as a means of easy communications according to a Western Union internal memo.
2 When told about the new invention of sound for the movies, H.M. Warner said "Who the h.... wants to hear actors talk."
3 An executive of the Decca Record Company turned down the Beatles because they did not like their sound and they thought guitar music was on the way out.
4 Lord Kelvin, president of the Royal Society which is dedicated to science, said that heavier than air flying machines were impossible.
5 Gary Cooper turned down the lead role in "Gone With the Wind" because he thought it would flop.
So think carefully bef
, Wrora they are not that funny..yeah it makes you smile
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