Breaking principles or promises

[*Mahzala*]

So, we all, at one point in time promise ourselves we will or won't do something. But sometimes, either internal forces, or external pressures result in us breaking those promises or existing principles. As a person, it definitely makes us stronger and we learn from our mistakes as most things in life come the hard way, but what about your internal feelings? Is it normal to feel shattered, disheartened and weak? Obviously, a promise to oneself is not something you lay on the table, so the chances of criticism and interference is less. Basically, how do you react to it? Any examples or experiences? I have quite a lot I can share, unfortunately.

[Son of Mountains]

The one who breaks promises, he has one charachteristic of Niffaq in himself

[Iqra]

^ Are you sure that applies in this case?

I FEEL and I might have misunderstood that this is more of a struggle with the Nafs about how you want to be a person.

For example, let's say I am a heavy smoker (Khuday dih muzh wasatih), and I know it's harming myself and other people, so I promise myself that I will not touch a cigarette again even after Ramadan. After Ramadan the first few days go well, but then I m out with so and so, and I can't restrain myself, and I grab another cigarette.

If you had advertised this, then it'd become an internal and external struggle... otherwise it'd just be that internal struggle of failure upon your word.

Mahzala, are you referring to something like this? or nah? lol

[Mayana]

I'm very big on promises and principles and standing by what you say and having a complex understanding of morals and having mad values. But unfortunately, things happen and sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where we've gone against our principles. At the end, we usually do realize why we had such principles in the first place, e.g. to prevent us from being in a situation like the one we're in after breaking them etc.
But you live and learn, you fly and fall.. there is Khair in it, I'm sure. Sometimes we have to burn ourselves to remember why we promised ourselves never to play with fire again. Sometime we have to taste dirt to remember why we never wanted to eat it. However, being a person with strong principles and values, it can sure be difficult for you to handle yourself in such a situation. But the Khair that I just mentioned might be that, this way, you'll get to know yourself and learn how to accept yourself. The Khair may be in the notion that you get to know yourself with all your strengths and shortcomings and can identify all your faults.. and hence can work on them..

Da Allah swt ajaba Karoona di, Mahzala Guli.. Think about how many blessings truly were punishments and how many punishments in fact were blessings.

SubhanAllah Walhamdulillah.

[*Mahzala*]

Of course, in our promises and dealings with others, we are careful, and we should be. The thread was about breaking promises you've made in isolation, in your mind, in your heart to yourself. Sometimes, external forces push us to break them, or break our own principles, which can shatter some people, and it takes them a while to stand up on their feet again, and people often don't know the cause. I had a friend who ended up quite distraught after she broke one of her promises she had made to herself. She couldn't be put back together for weeks. She was in a million pieces.

Seems the question has been misunderstood. Khair

[Mayana]

Of course, in our promises and dealings with others, we are careful, and we should be. The thread was about breaking promises you've made in isolation, in your mind, in your heart to yourself. Sometimes, external forces push us to break them, or break our own principles, which can shatter some people, and it takes them a while to stand up on their feet again, and people often don't know the cause. I had a friend who ended up quite distraught after she broke one of her promises she had made to herself. She couldn't be put back together for weeks. She was in a million pieces.

Seems the question has been misunderstood. Khair

Been there, done that.

[*Mahzala*]

Same

Thus the thread.

[Mayana]

Basically, all I learned from it is summarized in my above post.
It by far was the most valuable lesson in my whole life.

[spogmai shaglay]

There are moral principles or values that we set for ourselves…and we promise ourselves that we will abide by these principles……..
But if once a while due some factors whther external or internal we aren’t able to come up to our expectations…I think its ok….it shouldn’t be taken to our heart….we are human being….and humans are not perfect…
Of course there are some promises that we make to ourselves which shouldn’t be broken at all….like i am not going to let my self down in front of any body……
I am good at keeping promises (as all pakhtuns and pukhtanas are)…..if I know I cant keep the promise I wont promise…..and promise with myself….i am too loyal to myself as well…I see to it that I abide by the promises that I make to myself……..hence I have said it before too that After ALLAH if I trust somebody its only myself….
As I have learned, when you trust others this is what happens….. “Trust is what I know no more… but when broken the heart goes sore”…..
When Nobody has proved to be trustworthy then atleast we can be trustworthy to ourselves….

[Roshina]

It happens. We make promises to ourselves -- perhaps something similar to resolutions? -- and not always end up fulfilling them. Other times, we loosen up on our values or principles, although I have certain ones that I believe must never be compromised under any condition.

At this stage in my life, the most important thing is my education, so obviously, I make tons of promises to work harder in school. Getting grades that I'm 105% satisfied with is not my goal; it is learning and working hard that is my main focus. And, so, what I normally do when I'm on the verge of breaking the promises I make to myself about my studies is ... I think in the long terms, and remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing and what will happen if I DON'T do it. The trick is to make yourself believe that your entire life depends on the promises you make to yourself and the principles and values that are the core pillars of your life and existence.

Sometimes, I feel so indisciplined and useless, but that's when, I've learned, is a good time to recapitulate to yourself all your accomplishments. That's one of those times when you should perhaps make a list of the good things and the bad things about yourself so that you regain the confidence you need in order to live up to your own standards.

External factors, however, might prevent us from sticking to our promises and principles all the time, as Spogmai has said, and the thing to remember is that that's not necessarily a bad thing. This is why I don't believe in regrets, especially if one's not gonna learn anything from one's past mistakes.

[Gulalai]

breaking a promise is like the end of the world

[IamDZJ]

circumstances change people. what made absolute sense to me 2 years ago doesn't make sense to me today. why commit to a definition of yourself that no longer defines you today? that is for promises. principles are said to be useless unless you stay committed to them when they are least convenient. principles should never change.

[Talal]

what dzj said

[faye]

don't make promises and you will never break them.

[Blue Flower]

Avoid Giving Promises

In my veiw one should never give up or brake any Principle, if u ever have to choose between a promise or a principle always stand with the Principle.
Regarding promises never make them as your hobby and if u have given Zaban for anything abide by it , otherwise dunya will laugh at u saying your promises are of no value.

.