All single males read

[Insight]

Advice needed,especially from married guys on this forum.

I have been fortunate enough to have been raised in a conservative Muslim community. It kept me morally in check, and since many of the friends I made there carried on to my undergraduate school, I was still under their influence.

I have had friends of many different backgrounds and faiths, and have not been restricted to Muslims only. However, I would be dishonest if I did not say I am most comfortable around Muslims, even those who may not be that religious- there is a level of comfort that can not be found elsewhere.

Having said that, I am a man of few friends. This thread anyways is about something entirely different.

It is around that time in my life for me to find a wife, Im not exactly sure what Im supposed to do. I can speak to many girls easily mostly non-Muslim girls, but have no interest in them as potential spouses so it doesn't mean much to me.....


Does any other single bros here have any advice for me?

I was in London this summer, and saw many girls from Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and Kuwait roaming around Knightsbridge ( I have no preferences only that they are Muslim and good looking LOL))) . What was appealing about them was that they seemed conservative yet approachable in a respectful way.... I spoke to a few of them at cafes obviously respectfully, but never asked them for their number because it is not like they are American girls...LOL.........I dare not speak to them when their fathers or mothers were around......I feel like this issue is a big problem for Muslims in general. Am I just too influenced by my conservative upbringing....???? Am I living under a rock????

However, what am I allowed to do as Muslim without seeming disrespectful.....Im really lost at this, and do not plan to have my parents marry me since they met while going to school........

[Shamlawar Khurasani]

Advice needed,especially from married guys on this forum.

I have been fortunate enough to have been raised in a conservative Muslim community. It kept me morally in check, and since many of the friends I made there carried on to my undergraduate school, I was still under their influence.

I have had friends of many different backgrounds and faiths, and have not been restricted to Muslims only. However, I would be dishonest if I did not say I am most comfortable around Muslims, even those who may not be that religious- there is a level of comfort that can not be found elsewhere.

Having said that, I am a man of few friends. This thread anyways is about something entirely different.

It is around that time in my life for me to find a wife, Im not exactly sure what Im supposed to do. I can speak to many girls easily mostly non-Muslim girls, but have no interest in them as potential spouses so it doesn't mean much to me.....


Does any other single bros here have any advice for me?

I was in London this summer, and saw many girls from Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and Kuwait roaming around Knightsbridge ( I have no preferences only that they are Muslim and good looking LOL))) . What was appealing about them was that they seemed conservative yet approachable in a respectful way.... I spoke to a few of them at cafes obviously respectfully, but never asked them for their number because it is not like they are American girls...LOL.........I dare not speak to them when their fathers or mothers were around......I feel like this issue is a big problem for Muslims in general. Am I just too influenced by my conservative upbringing....???? Am I living under a rock????

However, what am I allowed to do as Muslim without seeming disrespectful.....Im really lost at this, and do not plan to have my parents marry me since they met while going to school........

Strictly from an Islamic perspective, there is nothing wrong in stepping up to a person of the opposite gender and asking for a meeting with them and their relatives.

It's not haram and it's not unethical or immoral. So you don't have to feel guilty or ashamed for doing this.

However I would like to give you advice as a married man who is alhamdulilah happily married.

First of all, decide what type of woman you want to marry. For example: does she have to be highly educated? If yes, look for her in those circles. Decide if you have preference for a particular ethnicity or nationality. If you want to marry Afghan/Pashtana, then do your research and see where you can find them.

Don't marry a woman from the other side of the world. Don't import a bride. Marry one from place where you live. She have to have a family and relatives and you have to know her and her family before you decide to propose. If you don't know her family and if you haven't met them and seen them, you should never ever marry her. Make sure you meet her mother. If you know a woman's mother you know more about her than when you don't.

Be respectful and keep safe distance but don't be a wimp and don't freeze like a coward. Be confident when meeting her and her family. Take your mom with you and always talk to her in presence of your own mother and her mother.

When selecting a woman, pay attention to her looks appearance. Let her know that you care about her looks. Don't pretend you are just marrying her because she is so pious. Don't be a hypocrite.

Don't change or pretend to be someone you are not. Be yourself and if being who you are isn't good enough to convince a woman to marry you then you have to change before marrying. Don't ever act or deceive people. Don't act religious or pious just to impress. That's pure zandaqah and kufr. Be the normal human being that you are.

When looking for a wife, make sure she is not a typical millennial. She needs to be responsible and a dedicated hard working person who has dreams and ambitions. Don't marry a desperate woman who just needs to get married because she doesn't know what to do with her life.

Don't marry a materialist woman. Make sure she is a person who doesn't give a damn about what other people think about her. Make sure she is very confident and indifferent to backbiting and slandering women in her community.

When I met my wife, I knew the moment I met her and her family that I want to marry her. She is highly educated and she is very creative. i am never bored and we can have intelligent discussions where she can challenge my views and options. I am very fortunate. Some people I know have imported extremely shallow women from Afghanistan and their wives are unable to raise their children properly. I advice everyone to marry a well educated woman from the west.

A religious well educated and attractive woman is what you need. You won't be sorry.

[Iblis_Efreetzai]

Personally I feel we have a misunderstanding about boundaries, we tend to go to extremes rather than act balanced.

Historically men and women were not necessarily as rigidly separated ad we seem to idealize as the norm.

There's nothing wrong or indecent of interacting with women with respectful purposes. But, you should always be sincere about your intentions without projecting desperation or pressure.

You also have to kind of look for women who are comparable to you in lifestyle , values and behavior. This may seem like a "no brainer" if you're Muslim; but Muslims come in all sorts of levels and temperaments. If you see yourself as being on the conservative side, but still open to meeting and engaging women directly, you should approach women who have a similar attitude.

Now that part can be tricky because you don't know this off the bat. All I can say is trial and error. If they decline your attempt, just politely pardon yourself and explain you meant no harm. Always be respectful and understanding, Never pushy. I'm sure you know that part.

Personally, I'm much more conservative than your average Westerner, but not nearly as Conservative as a Keliwal Afghan. As you may have heard B.T. spreading lies about me being on an "Albanian Sex Site"; which is false. What is true is I did have a profile on an Albanian Match Site.

My sister is married to an Albanian, well Kosovoan, and so I have some familiarity with Albanians, most surprisingly are not luchaks, contrary to the bad press they get, but it's rare to find Albanian women who cover. Which to me isn't a huge deal to me as long as her character and behavior is within the bounds of Islam. I'm not pushy about secondary aspects of religion.

My point being, I guess I looked for women who lined up with me in terms of my temperament and values. I've found with Afghans you TEND to have two varieties. Very conservative, or out of control liberal. When I say very conservative I don't necessarily mean they wear burqas or don't go to school, but they have some views which I feel would be hard to carry on within a marriage. Out of control, I think is self explanatory. I'm still of course open to marrying an Afghan lady, but finding one that isn't a bit off in some way is hard.

There are some women who feel it's "awkward" or "weird" if you try to talk to their mahram first to start any interaction with them. If this is something you encounter and you get bad vibes about that, then she might not be the right girl to talk to. Other women LOVE it, it says you have Izzah (ghairat O namous). It's not always easy to tell which women appreciate this, because it's not like a "hijabi vs. non-hijabi" thing.

As long as you know yourself and what you stand for; meeting the right women isn't going to be an issue for you.

Also, don't be ashamed of going to a MuslimMatrimonial type site, This is 2016, it's very common, especially if the availability of decent women is hard to encounter in your area. But you're in the UK so I can't imagine why that would be.

[Insight]

Personally I feel we have a misunderstanding about boundaries, we tend to go to extremes rather than act balanced.

Historically men and women were not necessarily as rigidly separated ad we seem to idealize as the norm.

There's nothing wrong or indecent of interacting with women with respectful purposes. But, you should always be sincere about your intentions without projecting desperation or pressure.

You also have to kind of look for women who are comparable to you in lifestyle , values and behavior. This may seem like a "no brainer" if you're Muslim; but Muslims come in all sorts of levels and temperaments. If you see yourself as being on the conservative side, but still open to meeting and engaging women directly, you should approach women who have a similar attitude.

Now that part can be tricky because you don't know this off the bat. All I can say is trial and error. If they decline your attempt, just politely pardon yourself and explain you meant no harm. Always be respectful and understanding, Never pushy. I'm sure you know that part.

Personally, I'm much more conservative than your average Westerner, but not nearly as Conservative as a Keliwal Afghan. As you may have heard B.T. spreading lies about me being on an "Albanian Sex Site"; which is false. What is true is I did have a profile on an Albanian Match Site.

My sister is married to an Albanian, well Kosovoan, and so I have some familiarity with Albanians, most surprisingly are not luchaks, contrary to the bad press they get, but it's rare to find Albanian women who cover. Which to me isn't a huge deal to me as long as her character and behavior is within the bounds of Islam. I'm not pushy about secondary aspects of religion.

My point being, I guess I looked for women who lined up with me in terms of my temperament and values. I've found with Afghans you TEND to have two varieties. Very conservative, or out of control liberal. When I say very conservative I don't necessarily mean they wear burqas or don't go to school, but they have some views which I feel would be hard to carry on within a marriage. Out of control, I think is self explanatory. I'm still of course open to marrying an Afghan lady, but finding one that isn't a bit off in some way is hard.

There are some women who feel it's "awkward" or "weird" if you try to talk to their mahram first to start any interaction with them. If this is something you encounter and you get bad vibes about that, then she might not be the right girl to talk to. Other women LOVE it, it says you have Izzah (ghairat O namous). It's not always easy to tell which women appreciate this, because it's not like a "hijabi vs. non-hijabi" thing.

As long as you know yourself and what you stand for; meeting the right women isn't going to be an issue for you.

Also, don't be ashamed of going to a MuslimMatrimonial type site, This is 2016, it's very common, especially if the availability of decent women is hard to encounter in your area. But you're in the UK so I can't imagine why that would be.

Strictly from an Islamic perspective, there is nothing wrong in stepping up to a person of the opposite gender and asking for a meeting with them and their relatives.

It's not haram and it's not unethical or immoral. So you don't have to feel guilty or ashamed for doing this.

However I would like to give you advice as a married man who is alhamdulilah happily married.

First of all, decide what type of woman you want to marry. For example: does she have to be highly educated? If yes, look for her in those circles. Decide if you have preference for a particular ethnicity or nationality. If you want to marry Afghan/Pashtana, then do your research and see where you can find them.

Don't marry a woman from the other side of the world. Don't import a bride. Marry one from place where you live. She have to have a family and relatives and you have to know her and her family before you decide to propose. If you don't know her family and if you haven't met them and seen them, you should never ever marry her. Make sure you meet her mother. If you know a woman's mother you know more about her than when you don't.

Be respectful and keep safe distance but don't be a wimp and don't freeze like a coward. Be confident when meeting her and her family. Take your mom with you and always talk to her in presence of your own mother and her mother.

When selecting a woman, pay attention to her looks appearance. Let her know that you care about her looks. Don't pretend you are just marrying her because she is so pious. Don't be a hypocrite.

Don't change or pretend to be someone you are not. Be yourself and if being who you are isn't good enough to convince a woman to marry you then you have to change before marrying. Don't ever act or deceive people. Don't act religious or pious just to impress. That's pure zandaqah and kufr. Be the normal human being that you are.

When looking for a wife, make sure she is not a typical millennial. She needs to be responsible and a dedicated hard working person who has dreams and ambitions. Don't marry a desperate woman who just needs to get married because she doesn't know what to do with her life.

Don't marry a materialist woman. Make sure she is a person who doesn't give a damn about what other people think about her. Make sure she is very confident and indifferent to backbiting and slandering women in her community.

When I met my wife, I knew the moment I met her and her family that I want to marry her. She is highly educated and she is very creative. i am never bored and we can have intelligent discussions where she can challenge my views and options. I am very fortunate. Some people I know have imported extremely shallow women from Afghanistan and their wives are unable to raise their children properly. I advice everyone to marry a well educated woman from the west.

A religious well educated and attractive woman is what you need. You won't be sorry.

Thanks for the advice bros. Going to read it more in depth later....

I live in the US, not the UK.... I regularly go to the UK to visit extended family.....most of which are all there....


I will reply later with some other thoughts.

[Firdousi]

Strictly from an Islamic perspective, there is nothing wrong in stepping up to a person of the opposite gender and asking for a meeting with them and their relatives.

It's not haram and it's not unethical or immoral. So you don't have to feel guilty or ashamed for doing this.

However I would like to give you advice as a married man who is alhamdulilah happily married.

First of all, decide what type of woman you want to marry. For example: does she have to be highly educated? If yes, look for her in those circles. Decide if you have preference for a particular ethnicity or nationality. If you want to marry Afghan/Pashtana, then do your research and see where you can find them.

Don't marry a woman from the other side of the world. Don't import a bride. Marry one from place where you live. She have to have a family and relatives and you have to know her and her family before you decide to propose. If you don't know her family and if you haven't met them and seen them, you should never ever marry her. Make sure you meet her mother. If you know a woman's mother you know more about her than when you don't.

Be respectful and keep safe distance but don't be a wimp and don't freeze like a coward. Be confident when meeting her and her family. Take your mom with you and always talk to her in presence of your own mother and her mother.

When selecting a woman, pay attention to her looks appearance. Let her know that you care about her looks. Don't pretend you are just marrying her because she is so pious. Don't be a hypocrite.

Don't change or pretend to be someone you are not. Be yourself and if being who you are isn't good enough to convince a woman to marry you then you have to change before marrying. Don't ever act or deceive people. Don't act religious or pious just to impress. That's pure zandaqah and kufr. Be the normal human being that you are.

When looking for a wife, make sure she is not a typical millennial. She needs to be responsible and a dedicated hard working person who has dreams and ambitions. Don't marry a desperate woman who just needs to get married because she doesn't know what to do with her life.

Don't marry a materialist woman. Make sure she is a person who doesn't give a damn about what other people think about her. Make sure she is very confident and indifferent to backbiting and slandering women in her community.

When I met my wife, I knew the moment I met her and her family that I want to marry her. She is highly educated and she is very creative. i am never bored and we can have intelligent discussions where she can challenge my views and options. I am very fortunate. Some people I know have imported extremely shallow women from Afghanistan and their wives are unable to raise their children properly. I advice everyone to marry a well educated woman from the west.

A religious well educated and attractive woman is what you need. You won't be sorry.

Good advices, wrora.

I have this problem. I had an Afghan girlfriend, a Pashtun girl from Kunar. Dont get me wrong: by "girlfriend" I mean that we had a close relationship. It was a pure relationship. Never had sex with her (I have never had intercourse with a Muslimah/Afghan girl I respect them)I was planning to marry her but it didn't work out.

So now I am back to square one. I want to find a girl but I am kinda shy when it comes to marrying stuff. i don't know how to bring the topic up with my mother. So any advice, guys? How did you bring the issue up with your families? How should I handle it? Tying the knot is a serious thing. I know what kind of girl I want to marry (Herati, Tajik, Persianspeaker, Sunni, smart, educated and raised in Europe yeah and off course good looking). What do you advice me to do?

[Firdousi]

Advice needed,especially from married guys on this forum.

I have been fortunate enough to have been raised in a conservative Muslim community. It kept me morally in check, and since many of the friends I made there carried on to my undergraduate school, I was still under their influence.

I have had friends of many different backgrounds and faiths, and have not been restricted to Muslims only. However, I would be dishonest if I did not say I am most comfortable around Muslims, even those who may not be that religious- there is a level of comfort that can not be found elsewhere.

Having said that, I am a man of few friends. This thread anyways is about something entirely different.

It is around that time in my life for me to find a wife, Im not exactly sure what Im supposed to do. I can speak to many girls easily mostly non-Muslim girls, but have no interest in them as potential spouses so it doesn't mean much to me.....


Does any other single bros here have any advice for me?

I was in London this summer, and saw many girls from Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and Kuwait roaming around Knightsbridge ( I have no preferences only that they are Muslim and good looking LOL))) . What was appealing about them was that they seemed conservative yet approachable in a respectful way.... I spoke to a few of them at cafes obviously respectfully, but never asked them for their number because it is not like they are American girls...LOL.........I dare not speak to them when their fathers or mothers were around......I feel like this issue is a big problem for Muslims in general. Am I just too influenced by my conservative upbringing....???? Am I living under a rock????

However, what am I allowed to do as Muslim without seeming disrespectful.....Im really lost at this, and do not plan to have my parents marry me since they met while going to school........

Looking for the Perfect Woman… a Mulla Nasruddin Tale

One afternoon, Nasruddin and his friend were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea and talking about life and love. His friend asked: “How come you never married?”

“Well,” said Nasruddin, “to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no common interests. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then, one day, I met her. Beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had very much in common. In fact, she was perfect!”

“What happened?” asked Nasruddin’s friend, “Why didn’t you marry her?”

Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. “Well,” he replied, “it’s really the sad story of my life…. It seemed she was looking for the perfect man…

[Firdousi]

Personally I feel we have a misunderstanding about boundaries, we tend to go to extremes rather than act balanced.

Historically men and women were not necessarily as rigidly separated ad we seem to idealize as the norm.

There's nothing wrong or indecent of interacting with women with respectful purposes. But, you should always be sincere about your intentions without projecting desperation or pressure.

You also have to kind of look for women who are comparable to you in lifestyle , values and behavior. This may seem like a "no brainer" if you're Muslim; but Muslims come in all sorts of levels and temperaments. If you see yourself as being on the conservative side, but still open to meeting and engaging women directly, you should approach women who have a similar attitude.

Now that part can be tricky because you don't know this off the bat. All I can say is trial and error. If they decline your attempt, just politely pardon yourself and explain you meant no harm. Always be respectful and understanding, Never pushy. I'm sure you know that part.

Personally, I'm much more conservative than your average Westerner, but not nearly as Conservative as a Keliwal Afghan. As you may have heard B.T. spreading lies about me being on an "Albanian Sex Site"; which is false. What is true is I did have a profile on an Albanian Match Site.

My sister is married to an Albanian, well Kosovoan, and so I have some familiarity with Albanians, most surprisingly are not luchaks, contrary to the bad press they get, but it's rare to find Albanian women who cover. Which to me isn't a huge deal to me as long as her character and behavior is within the bounds of Islam. I'm not pushy about secondary aspects of religion.

My point being, I guess I looked for women who lined up with me in terms of my temperament and values. I've found with Afghans you TEND to have two varieties. Very conservative, or out of control liberal. When I say very conservative I don't necessarily mean they wear burqas or don't go to school, but they have some views which I feel would be hard to carry on within a marriage. Out of control, I think is self explanatory. I'm still of course open to marrying an Afghan lady, but finding one that isn't a bit off in some way is hard.

There are some women who feel it's "awkward" or "weird" if you try to talk to their mahram first to start any interaction with them. If this is something you encounter and you get bad vibes about that, then she might not be the right girl to talk to. Other women LOVE it, it says you have Izzah (ghairat O namous). It's not always easy to tell which women appreciate this, because it's not like a "hijabi vs. non-hijabi" thing.

As long as you know yourself and what you stand for; meeting the right women isn't going to be an issue for you.

Also, don't be ashamed of going to a MuslimMatrimonial type site, This is 2016, it's very common, especially if the availability of decent women is hard to encounter in your area. But you're in the UK so I can't imagine why that would be.

Same here, man. My brother married an Iranian Ajami girl from Shiraz (Sunnis like us). I have always disliked Tehranis because I consider self-haters, cheap, racists, snob, etc. But surprinsingly most of Iranians are nice specially those from southern provinces.

[Iblis_Efreetzai]

Same here, man. My brother married an Iranian Ajami girl from Shiraz (Sunnis like us). I have always disliked Tehranis because I consider self-haters, cheap, racists, snob, etc. But surprinsingly most of Iranians are nice specially those from southern provinces.

Is she Kurdish?

[Firdousi]

Is she Kurdish?

No, no. She is Persian. "Khodemooni". They speak Ajami. Very nice people. They are like Afghans: they value "mahrefat","ghairat", "mahmaan nawazi" (melmastia in Pashto??), respect, faith, family,.. and so on. I really like them.

Larestani people - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Iblis_Efreetzai]

No, no. She is Persian. "Khodemooni". They speak Ajami. Very nice people. They are like Afghans: they value "mahrefat","ghairat", "mahmaan nawazi" (melmastia in Pashto??), respect, faith, family,.. and so on. I really like them.

Larestani people - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Oh wow mashallah, I knew there were Sunni Persian Iranians, but didn't know about these people specifically. That's very interesting.