Do Parents Have A Right To Choose Their Child's Marriage Partner?

[zamurd]

Do Parents Have A Right To Choose Their Child's Marriage Partner?
Praise be to Allaah.

The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet SAW said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419)



Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want.



But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865).



But if obeying them will lead to divorce later on, then the child does not have to obey them in that, because consent is the foundation of the marital relationship, and this consent must be in accordance with sharee’ah, which is approval of the one who is religiously committed and of good character.
Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih



A child is not considered to be disobedient or sinful if he does not obey his parents in this regard.



Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
The parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient towards them, as is the case when he does not eat what he does not want.


Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, 344.



Islam Q&A

Taken from here:
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...rriage-Partner

[Toramana]

Parents have no right to chose life-partners for kids ---although they can suggest.

[Friend]

Well I have given this right to my parents voluntarily. They are the one to decide for my life and I am happy with that because they know better than me what is good for me and what is not.

[Pisho]

Hmm this is a very delucate subject.. I was talking about this with anoyher user yesterday.. I think its a good thing that parents choose an arrange marriage for you.. But the problem is parents now a days make mistakes.. For example i know alot of folks in afg give theirs daughters away just for dowery.. Which is really sad but even this happened in my family.. I think parents should find prospective partners... But the decision should be in the hands of a person that is getting married..

[Tjanaparh]

I think parents have not te right to tell who to marry.
The reltions in my eyes should be ideally like that.
1) Parents educate their child to be able independently to take responsible decisions and stand to them.
2) The marriage theme should go in a dialogue between parents and child - the child should hear to what parents think could be a problem, parents should do everything to help their child to avoid mistakes.
3) The child should not depend on the permission of his parents but on their blessing of the marriage, so in the case the child still goes against his parents opinion he simply should be aware that he marries without their blessing, so he has a doubble rsponsability to take.
4) Everything possible should be done to remain in dialogue and understanding.

Thet is how I see it, and also how my life went. Our parents made us the life to hell for years, so I refound myself in big troubbles, while could have used time in a much different way. But at the end still we have shown that our decision was serious.

[Karachi]

not 100% no, yes they can suggest and your parents defiantly know you very well, but the final decision should always be yours