Womens Misc.

[Dukemina]

Re: Womens Misc.

:|

You guys are married?

[Dukemina]

Re: Womens Misc.

How does he become your hubby then? You mean your bf?

[Laila]

Re: Womens Misc.

oh i see, so why did you guys break up? Wait where is your bf from?

[Laila]

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oh okay, so tell us why, what happened? for your own personal reasons, we do respect your privacy, so you dont have to go into details.

[Dukemina]

Re: Womens Misc.

^Marry a Pashtun, dear

Oh and btw, if he doesn't want to marry you - why bother? You deserve an honorable Pashtun

[Laila]

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yeah that is normal and to be expected, the best thing to do for yourself, is forget him. Try to get rid of things that reminds you of him. Like maybe something he gave you or pictures....

And Dukes is 150% right, if he really did not care about you and your feelings, why bother then, right? No one is worth the time, effort, and feelings if they cannot do the same for you.

[Roshina]

Re: Womens Misc.

@ Dukes, I, too, just recently found out that "hubby" = the beloved you're not married to :O And all this time, I'd call my future husband Hubby Jaan! Gosh! (Well, I still do ... I mean, you know, when I say things like Breakfast in Bed from Hubby Jaan, or my Hubby Jaan is gonna be at least 15 yrs older than me :D And so on!) lol

^Lebanese

Gulpari! I'm so sorry to see you this heart, sweetums!
The thing is, I don't encourage interracial/interfaith marriages -- not for males, not for females. Not because I'm being racist or anything (God, no!), but I believe the couple should have the *important* things in common, whatever they consider important. If you're from different races/religions but were raised in the same environment and hold similar beliefs, then sure, go ahead, but otherwise it's not something I'd do. It's too much working holding on to a family in which the couple is so different they don't understand each other.

BUT! Lemme ask you ... how did you know that you wanted to marry him? What made you so sure? And if he didn't wanna do it, then know that he wasn't worth you to begin with. If he were worth you, he'd have thought of every way possible to make it work, learn the Pashtun way of approaching your family to ask for your hand, and then prove to your family that he WILL be a perfect life-mate for you.

I'm assuming he didn't do that -- so he's not worth it. (I know this doens't help, and I prolly don't have the right to say this, 'cause I know neither you nor him, but if he was willing to let it go just like that, he's not worth mourning over, sweets.)

Try to smile It helps, I promise

[Roshina]

Re: Womens Misc.

^I wish it was that easy, I just have this feeling

It's not easy, that's right. It hurts to be in pain; it hurts to not get what we want ... in which case I don't know what'd cheer you up ... :cry:

^ He was very sweet to me and etc and treated me good.

All guys are sweet to us (before marriage :P) And all are good to us ... okay, MANY are. But my point is to ask, if your main reason for choosing him was that he was good to you, that's not a good reason at all. And almost all of the time, they're "good" and "sweet" to other girls, too :o

But how long have you known this guy?

What would you do in my shoes?

If I were in your shoes, this is what I'd do (and I do this when I'm in pretty much ANY dilemma, and it often helps).

Write down the pros and cons of this guy -- and be honest with yourself. (DO NOT share it with us here!) Why did you want to marry him? (Remember: be honest with yourself.) What would have been the bad consequences of your union? What would have been the good things about your union?

If the pros outweigh the cons, then I'm SO sorry you're going through this, and I'm SO sorry you lost him. (BUT!! He's still not worth you 'cause he left you. NO man who's willing to leave you is worth you.)

If the cons outweigh the pros, then you've lost nothing, so knowing that will help you get over him faster

[Laila]

Re: Womens Misc.

ha ha good to know i am not the only person who says *hubby* i think it sounds so cute and Azad Khel used to mess around with me about it......

Anyways Gulpari, dont give yourself emotionally too easily for someone, I learned that quite well. And I agree with Q, its better to be within your race. Though you are both Muslim (is he Muslim, not all Arabs are) culturally you have differences right. Dont waste your time on someone who kicks you to the curb and causes heartache for you. Not worth a bit of anything. Just do whatever you can to get over him, hang out with friends, make new friends, go and do movie hopping (my fav) just get yourself away from the gloomy cloud, there is a nice pretty rainbow waiting for you (goodness that sounded corny) :P

No one said love or breakup was going to be easy

[Laila]

Re: Womens Misc.

YES YES YES!!! you should not be upset, go eat cookie dough ice cream! :D

Hang out with your family and friends, that always seems to bring joy and plenty of smiles.....keep yourself busy. Do something or buy something you always wanted, just go out there!

[Basharat]

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^Never be sad, Smile.

Our ladies will take care of you here.

[Laila]

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I love you guys, I feel much better. I just needed someone to talk to .

Oh sure, we are all here for you! It always feels good to talk to someone right.

[*Mahzala*]

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When you leave something for Allah's Sake, He Compensates it with something much much better.

Turn to Him. He has the answer to everything, the cure to illness, and healing to a troubledheart. Thats why they say when the world pushes you to your knees, youre in the perfect position to pray. He is the Best of Listeners and Givers. My duas are with you.

[Laila]

Re: Womens Misc.

I dont want to get into your personal life, oh yeah, the best advice I can give you, is go for a Pakhtun man.....Its so much better, you wont have to feel secretive about it, he will be accepted by your family, and most importantly you will also keep your tradition and identity alive. Plus you cannot deny that Pakhtun men, mashallah, are handsome

[Palwasha]

Re: Womens Misc.

Seeing as though the topics changed, was just wonderig what you Pakhtana's felt about marrying a non-Pashtun...from what I've read in the thread (ooh that rhymes)...does that mean you'd only ever marry a Pashtun?