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Default 10-17-2010, 04:53 PM

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Originally Posted by shlombay View Post
Our customs are beautiful. I only have a problem with selling our women.
Nearly all pashtuns demand certain amount of sra zar (gold) from boy, which is in addition to haq mahar. The sra zar is not kept by parents, it is given to the bride and is ultimately used by her husband. you can say it is "pashtun haq mahar"....it can not be called as selling.


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Default 10-17-2010, 04:56 PM

@Khushal
And do you think by forcing their daughters on someone even worse they are saving their so-called ghairat? If it was limited to sexual desire only then I doubt any man would be stupid enough to sent his family for proposal and actually hold a grand wedding, just so his sexual desires can be fulfilled? I am sorry to say this but such thinking only forces me to think that such men with such thoughts only think every man's thinking is as cheap as theirs.........

I have seen millions of such cases in Pekhawer where the girls either end up marrying someone ridiculously old, or someone they till the end of their lives never found happiness with! Still the fathers don't regret because their 'ghairat' is saved.


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Default 10-17-2010, 09:27 PM

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Originally Posted by Luffy View Post
Nearly all pashtuns demand certain amount of sra zar (gold) from boy, which is in addition to haq mahar. The sra zar is not kept by parents, it is given to the bride and is ultimately used by her husband. you can say it is "pashtun haq mahar"....it can not be called as selling.
The money is supposed to be used for the the bride, but many times the parents keep it because of poverty. The gold is supposed to be given to the bride and is her property, but sometimes times the husband abuses this right.

I never heard of this straight selling of girls in swat before.

Last edited by khushal; 10-17-2010 at 09:45 PM.
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Default 10-17-2010, 10:07 PM

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Originally Posted by Shayesta View Post
@Khushal
And do you think by forcing their daughters on someone even worse they are saving their so-called ghairat? If it was limited to sexual desire only then I doubt any man would be stupid enough to sent his family for proposal and actually hold a grand wedding, just so his sexual desires can be fulfilled? I am sorry to say this but such thinking only forces me to think that such men with such thoughts only think every man's thinking is as cheap as theirs.........

I have seen millions of such cases in Pekhawer where the girls either end up marrying someone ridiculously old, or someone they till the end of their lives never found happiness with! Still the fathers don't regret because their 'ghairat' is saved.
Why are you so angry all the time, you are very quick to insult others whenever you respond, you must learn to conrol your anger and respond in a more respectable manner.

All Im saying is this is how it is and the reasons why pashtun men do what they do. The Pashtun man only wants to save his ghyrat and avoid peghor. Almost every action he takes in his life comes to this foundation. I know many pashtun men that hate some of the culture but they have no choice in the matter, a man whose ghyrat is tarnished is shunned by the community. Pashtun men even regard their ghyrat above Islam.
Most parents in pashtun culture dont marry the girl off to someone she is better off with, they marry her off to someone they themselves(the parents) are better off with. Sometimes marriage unions are made to settle disputes or rivalries between families, clans and/or tribes.

You are naive into comparing the psyche of the west to the psyche in pashtunland. There is a different history, different culture, different evolution of society. All societies evolve but this society is very isolated from outside interference especially the tribes that live in the mountains.
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Default 10-18-2010, 07:32 AM

For those who were asking what is baberrai, here is an explanation I saw on http://www.afghanan.net/pashto/pashtunwali/terms.htm

BABERRAI
Access over a decision of the Jirga is called baberry. This term is usualy used in the cases of Walver (price fixed for the bride).
For example, if an amount is fixed by two parties as walvar but afterwards the family of the girl demands more than what was decided, it would be called Baberry. The word Baberry is also used for the reversal of a disease. In tribal customary law and usage, Baberry can also mean to increase the amount of Nagha previously dicided upon.
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Default 10-18-2010, 08:34 AM

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Originally Posted by Kandahary View Post
Coughing in Kandahar is a huge insult. A Pashtun of Kandahar will take it as an insult.
Lol rekhtiya waya


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Default 10-18-2010, 04:56 PM

thank goodness some pashtuns have moved with the times


Frater aliquis in fide nec fratrem humanitatis


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Default 10-18-2010, 10:37 PM

It's unfortunate when I see Pukhtoons suffering from tribalistic/regional complexes. The people of Swat sell their daughters? What proof do you guys have, besides what the Pakistani media and news outlets made known through propaganda? All Pukhtoons sell their daughters, if that's what you want to call it. Though that's not what it is, and not the purpose of haq-maher. Others will twist our logic, our customs, to fit their perverted needs to expand their agendas. We have simple customs, that are sometime taken advantage of, and thats it. Ali ra sold his shield to pay Prophet Mohammad for Fatima ra, did the prophet sell his daughter?

Tell me which tribes you guys belong to, so I can teach you a history or two about your specific "customs" whether that be wearing lungs or chasing little cute boys (halakan). You know who you are and which regions I am speaking of.

All Pukhtoons are equal, we all suffer from ills, doesn't give any one the right to look down upon others or demean them. Cut this tribal and regional superiority crap.
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Default 10-20-2010, 02:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Samima View Post
I think families giving their daughter in exchange for money is barbaric and wrong.
The money is supposed to be used for the bride by the parents, its not intended for exchange, but some people manipulate the custom because of poverty.
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Default 10-25-2010, 11:42 AM

@Khushal
I am not insulting anyone, I am describing those ill-thinking men who ruin their own children's life for his so-called ghairat none else but himself cares about who definitely do not deserve a happy tone. This is the fault of Pukhtoon-land, people are not ready for changes that involves a life where women can actually breath, where not everyone who falls in love has sexual desires (only), where education for women is not a sign of beghairat and what not! A ghairati is someone who can place his family's best-wil above his own imagination of ghairat and let his women progress with time which will teach her herself how to save her own izzat! Such mentalities need to be fought against, such mentalities need to change! Since I returned from Afghanistan I saw the difference between lifestyle of Pukhtoons and non-Pukhtoons, they both belong to very same country and culture but my is there a huge difference in their thinking! And then we wonder, why people make fun of some of our thinking which contain some very backward mentalities?


Gar Jahanum Sakhtam Ferdaws Ham Mesazamat

Last edited by Shayesta; 10-25-2010 at 11:44 AM.
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