View Full Version : A short story of mine


Musafira
06-25-2010, 04:44 PM
I just wrote this. It is fiction.
"Gulalai"

I was sound asleep unaware of the storm outside until Gulalai woke up screaming. I rushed to her room and saw her sitting there on her bed with tears in her eyes looking terrified. She trembled each time it thundered and I embraced her in my arms and told her everything would be all right. She apologized for screaming and waking me. I didn't mind and I told her that many times. I just wanted her to be okay. She insisted I go back to my room and sleep. I looked at her clock and noticed it was 2 a.m. I told her I loved her and that if she needed anything to please come get me. Then I said good night and went back to my room.

Gulalai was my dear cousin. A beautiful girl whose eyes used to be so full of hope and life. Seeing her like this broke my heart. She never smiled anymore. Deep sadness was all I could see in her eyes now. I tried to get her to talk about it but when I did that she would just start crying. I feel so guilty for that now. I feel so guilty for many things. Sometimes I wonder why this happened to her and not me. Maybe I could have handled the pain a little better. So many maybes and what ifs haunt me now.

It was about six months ago on her birthday that Gulalai, her parents and little brother went out shopping to the bazaar . Since it was her birthday she asked if she could buy some ice-cream and ran ahead with delight when she was told yes. Then it happened. The loud boom that sounded like a thunderclap but wasn't. Gulalai was scared and in pain. She turned around, oblivious to her wounds, hoping to see her family walking right behind her but instead she saw dozens of bodies laying on the street. Some crying in agony others silenced by death. She ran to the cries hoping desperately to find them but it was no use. They were all dead.

My father got a phone call. The look on his face told me something awful had happened. He rushed out of the house. Mor jaan and I soon heard about the suicide bomb and we became so worried. For hours my father was gone. When he returned he brought Gulalai. Her clothes were stained with blood. Her hands and face covered with small cuts. She was sobbing and saying things we couldn't make any sense of. Mor jaan got her some fresh clothes and tried to clean her up while my father went to get her some medication for her pain and to help her sleep.

That night I stayed in the same room with her. I tried to sleep but I could not. I kept trying to imagine how Gulalai must be feeling. It was hard to picture losing my family like she did and just trying to do that upset me and made me cry and upset. I looked over at Gulalai on her bed. Even with her little cuts, she was beautiful and looked so peaceful. I closed my eyes and soon I too was sound asleep.

The next day Gulalai and dozens of others in Peshawar woke up to the realization that it wasn't just a bad dream.....that their loved ones really were gone. Murdered because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Life would never be the same for any of them but especially for Gulalali. She was devastated by what had happened. Everyone tried their best to help her with her deep depression. Mor jaan had her wear a special taweez and prayed for her constantly. My Father took her to one doctor after another but nothing they did seemed to make her feel better. I had no idea what to do for her but I tried to make her feel less alone.

For awhile sleep was Gulalai's only comfort. Then the nightmares started. Her waking hours were full of haunting memories and now she had started to fear sleep. There was no escape from the pain. That stormy night as I left her room at 2 a.m. I am so glad I told her I loved her. In the morning when she didn't get up I went into her room. She was laying their lifeless with an empty pill bottle by her bed. After a very long time she again looked peaceful. I hope and pray God had mercy on Gulalai and her wounded soul.
http://poundingheartbeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/crying-tears.jpg

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 04:48 PM
Your neurons are quite agile
:congrats:

Musafira
06-25-2010, 05:07 PM
Thank you Sher :) This is only my 2nd attempt at a short story.

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 05:09 PM
I am not good at long scripts.
Its usually hard for me to focus.
I am more of a thinker :D

but i appreciate you , you are quite good at it :)

amna.
06-25-2010, 05:22 PM
What makes me happy is to see wonderful writers like yourself. I read it 3 times and I loved it all 3 times.

Helay
06-25-2010, 05:30 PM
This reminded me very much of my own work. I once made an attempt to write my own story, it's still somewhere in my emailbox. I never finished it. Not going to either. I'm not creative. You are. I enjoyed reading it :)

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 05:30 PM
its quite sad...

but beautifully done .
How long it took you to write ?

Musafira
06-25-2010, 05:38 PM
Thank you all for the encouragement :) I was kinda scared to post it. I wrote it in about 4 hours today :)

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 05:40 PM
Hope to see more from you.

Musafira
06-25-2010, 07:01 PM
Hope to see more from you.



I'll try but sometimes I have a very hard time figuring out what I want to write about. I am a little bored with writing poems so that's why I wrote a story today. I haven't decided what's next but I'll share it here inshallah :)

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 07:05 PM
When you start your topic put some tags .
so if people search in google it will be found easily .
tags must be like poem,horrific scene,taliban. (refering to your old post)
thats how the search engines work

Roshina
06-25-2010, 07:18 PM
This is great to see! Thanks, Anjalai! At a time in our history when everything is wrong and the future looks too bleak, we can't be expected to write anything happy and fun. It is very realistic, haunting, and well-written.

Oh, and this is one way to record our own history, one way to be our own representatives -- telling the world what is happening to us and our loved ones rather letting certain media tell the world what is happening to us. I admire anyone who can write stories, especially because I can't.

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 07:43 PM
Besides you can start vlogging about it too.

I could help you if you are further interested

Musafira
06-25-2010, 08:00 PM
Besides you can start vlogging about it too.

I could help you if you are further interested


What is vlogging? Interested in what? I'm lost. I need sleep but it's too early :(

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 08:07 PM
yeah if i had this talent .. writing nice look you , what i would be doing.

make some channel on youtube.

edit a pic in photoshop for background. or simply put lots of pics related to the crux.
you can put some voice to it saying the poem.
or simply it can appear line by line with some back ground music.
if you get subscribers and get alot of videos.
probably you will get paid by youtube.

regards

Musafira
06-25-2010, 08:16 PM
Lewanai Anjalai (http://www.pashtunforums.com/members/lewanai-anjalai-122/) you never disappoint. All of your poems and storys are just amazing. do you mind if I print it out so I can put it in my binder. I like to have poems in my binder.

So sweet of you Samima :) Of course I do not mind :)

Palwasha
06-25-2010, 08:40 PM
This was a sad yet wonderful story. Even if it is fiction, I bet someone somewhere will be able to relate to this. Hope to read more from you InshAllah. You should blog!

Badlun
06-25-2010, 10:57 PM
This is the first ever real creative fiction writing in this section. Great creation. I congratulate the writer. She has very beautifully depicted the agony of Pashtuns in this sublime short story

I have few suggestions that words like okey are not very literary. Some words like waking me and awaking me may be differentiated. If some more figures of speech are used then the fiction would be more impressive.

I feel some missing links in the following sentence

I told her I loved her and that if she needed anything to please come get me and I gave her a kiss on the cheek goodnight.

Musafira
06-25-2010, 11:29 PM
Thank you for your comments Osho. I'll try to work on my story and improve it :)

Dukhtar-e-Kabul
06-25-2010, 11:32 PM
The best piece of literature ive read so far on this site.

*Mahzala*
06-26-2010, 06:16 AM
Lewanai Anjalai : Out of curiosity, if it is fiction, why did you choose the first person point of view? Often, writers do not bind themselves to a story. Very few feature/column writers do it, although it is their experience. It's not criticism, rather, because it is such a heart aching story, I wonder at your choice of writing style.
Besides that, like always, another excellent share from you. I look forward to many more. Keep them coming InshaAllah.

spogmai shaglay
06-26-2010, 06:37 AM
yaara.. it makes me sad to read such stories.. what else Gulalai would have done??????
all hope lost.....all loved ones lost.......

u have done a good job Lewanai Anjalai... i am sure with the comments of our experts here u can write more beautiful stories....

Musafira
06-26-2010, 10:36 AM
Lewanai Anjalai : Out of curiosity, if it is fiction, why did you choose the first person point of view? Often, writers do not bind themselves to a story. Very few feature/column writers do it, although it is their experience. It's not criticism, rather, because it is such a heart aching story, I wonder at your choice of writing style.
Besides that, like always, another excellent share from you. I look forward to many more. Keep them coming InshaAllah.



I didn't plan on writing in first person. I honestly just started writing and this is what came out.

Sheenka
06-26-2010, 10:53 AM
short story lolz its quite long
but interesting story :)

Master Khan
06-26-2010, 11:22 AM
wow so sad!.
manana for sharing

tor_khan
06-26-2010, 11:40 AM
So sad, Lewanai Anjalai ... good work on the blog ...

Laila
07-02-2010, 02:37 AM
I really enjoyed reading this...like Kandahary, i also read it more than once.

Please, if you have more to share, please do share....dont stop what you are doing. You have an amazing talent =)