View Full Version : This is something that really really bugs me!


Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 04:54 PM
this topic is about all muslim men around the world and their problem with starting at women/girls.

i find this to be the problem of majority of muslim men around the world...

STARING at women/girls...

i am sure many of u would like to point out how non-muslim men stare as well, to justify it to be a common thing... but this topic is NOT about non-muslim men...

what the hell is up with men and their staring problem?

even if they see a girl walking in burqa they stare... follow her... pass comments...

what happened to muslim men being respectful and lowering their gaze even if a naked woman passes by... but its opposite, girls fully covered to a point that their eyes don't even show are harassed followed, stared at...

what you guys have to say about it...

i am sure most of the guys here will say that they dn't have that problem... yeah right!

abubaker
06-22-2010, 05:04 PM
crossing torkham is the worst for women, once i almost punched a guy for staring

Palwasha
06-22-2010, 05:05 PM
Oh my God, I feel your pain. It's a hundred times more annoying when it's a Muslim man.. and staring is always worse in the Muslim countries (i.e. Pak,UAE). I think it's coz they have less exposure to women, so they make the most of any glimpses they can.

It's not just the Muslims though (I know this thread isn't about that), it depends on the culture. I mean Indian, Hindu men, I won't even say what I went through. I kinda think it's an Eastern thing.

I've had my fair share of experinces, some of them quite traumatising.. they freaked the hell outta me, to say in the least. =/ However, it made me realise why women would choose to wear Niqaab.

So yeah, I *hate* it.

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 05:08 PM
This is the nature of a man Feroza. When we see someone pretty our instinct tell us to look. Its not cause we want too, It just happens. Some Women are really,really beautiful.

brother, i understand this... something very beautiful gets everyone's attention but looking and staring are two different things. i am not saying don't look... but staring for minutes and glancing up and down and making her feel like an object of pleasure is just wrong!...

and what about those women who are fully covered... even their face... how can men know if they are beautiful or not!...

in our countries its more staring at ANYTHING that looks like a woman... u put a skirt or a dress on a tree and they will start staring...

This problem exists and its something that needs to be addressed. In Karachi, The minute a woman passes men from all age are staring at her, That is the only city I have been to and I was shocked to know this is an Islamic city and this is whats going on. It was really disappointing.

wait till u go to arab countries... its worse!!!!!!!!... i feel extremely unsafe amongs my own muslim brothers in muslim countries... how can i justify this!

Roshina
06-22-2010, 05:08 PM
God, TELL me about it!!! And they justify it by saying, "It's only natural!" lol. Yeah, right, like it's not natural for us women to look at handsome men. Everyone loves beauty; no one can deny that. There's supposed to be a limit. We focus so much on telling women how to dress, but NO ONE focuses on teaching men how to respect women or teaching men how to lower their gazes when they see a woman passing by.

Palwasha
06-22-2010, 05:10 PM
Can you give us an example Guley of the experience if you dont mind so people here can get a taste.

Gosh, I'm kinda reluctant to say. I don't even wanna think about them too much, so I won't go into detail. It's just like guys who actually follow you in the bazaars, or try to take pictures of you, crap like that. I used to think I was lucky, if the guy only stared. And I always leave the house, fully covered, so I don't see what excuse they may possibly have.

Laila
06-22-2010, 05:12 PM
I blame it on women exposing there booty and breasts. What do you expect? When you are wearing tight skinny jeans. Expect men to look. sorry to sound so blunt but its the truth.

I dont show my breast or expose my booty and i get stares like crazy....ewwwwwww


the worst experiences i had were with Indian men, Italian men, Hispanics.......oh and even Iranian men

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 05:14 PM
crossing torkham is the worst for women, once i almost punched a guy for staring

some men are soooo be sharma that they even keep staring at the women eve if the women have men with them.

i always feel extremely uncomfortable going outside with any men in my family... i have this fear that now they will start fighting, now they will punch someone...

zeni khalak kho bodai khazai ham na predi... tobah!

Oh my God, I feel your pain. It's a hundred times more annoying when it's a Muslim man.. and staring is always worse in the Muslim countries (i.e. Pak,UAE). I think it's coz they have less exposure to women, so they make the most of any glimpses they can.

It's not just the Muslims though (I know this thread isn't about that), it depends on the culture. I mean Indian, Hindu men, I won't even say what I went through. I kinda think it's an Eastern thing.

I've had my fair share of experinces, some of them quite traumatising.. they freaked the hell outta me, to say in the least. =/ However, it made me realise why women would choose to wear Niqaab.

So yeah, I *hate* it.

niqaab? only if it will help!... it doesn't help ... u just have to look like a woman from outside your niqaab or jilbaab and the staring starts from the time u go outside ur home till u come back home... along with comments.

whenever i am in afghanistan or pakistan i don't even like stepping outside the house... i got married in afghnistan but only went shopping ONCE for my wedding... can u believe ONCE... and that with men and in a car... thats how intimidated i feel when i walk outside in those countries...

but yeah u r right its more like eastern thing

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 05:17 PM
I blame it on women exposing there booty and breasts. What do you expect? When you are wearing tight skinny jeans. Expect men to look. sorry to sound so blunt but its the truth.

r u OK? hahaaha

who exposes their body parts in pakistan or afghanistan or in arab countries?

most women walk FULLY covered...

Roshina
06-22-2010, 05:22 PM
When the Quran tells women AND men to lower their gazes, it doesn't say, "But only when you come across those who are covered fully." So it makes no sense to lower your gaze only when you see women who are covered but not when you see women who are not covered.

That is, of course, if you wanna stick to the Quranic verse on lowering your gaze. If you wanna justify your despicable behavior (i.e., looking at women who are not fully covered) by saying it's only natural for you, then that's a different story and is not supported by the Quran.

I wish we'd figure out a way to teach men how to respect women in SPITE of how they're dressed instead of making women cover from head to toe in order to be "respected" by men. It's sad and disheartening that the ONLY way a woman can be respected by some men is by covering herself from head to toe.

And I agree that it's more an eastern thing -- AND a Hispanic thing. There are lots of Hispanics where I live, and they tend to be just like the easterners when it comes to staring at women, no matter how the women are dressed.

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 05:33 PM
Feroza you sound like you are gorgeous :)

But this is something that needs a reform. I absolutely hate it when I get stared. That is why I now wear a scarf. and MashAllah it has helped me a lot. Guys no longer stare at me cause they assume I am religious and will not mess around.

But when I did not wear a scarf, I used to get "Psssssss, come over here" all the time.

but you are right in Pakistan and other Arab countries, they cant help to stare at you. They try to figure your body shape from your hijab and niqab and they are fantasizing.

lol... so sweet of you... no its not like that ... men's staring problem does not depend on women being gorgeous... they just stare at every women!

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 05:49 PM
^i wouldn't stare at any of them... but i would be more attracted to the one wearing hijab

Iqra
06-22-2010, 06:25 PM
in our countries its more staring at ANYTHING that looks like a woman... u put a skirt or a dress on a tree and they will start staring...



I'd stare at a walking tree too :wub:

AnGaaR
06-22-2010, 06:50 PM
who da hell stared at u feroza banu ?
http://i40.tinypic.com/2zh1v2t.jpg




Its human nature .. or i should say men nature..
some stare some dont..

i remember a poem lol

Matak matak kei chalti ho kisi din mar dalogei
Thoda sa dil mujko daido kia uska achar dalogei

Shayesta
06-22-2010, 06:54 PM
In Karachi, The minute a woman passes men from all age are staring at her, That is the only city I have been to and I was shocked to know this is an Islamic city and this is whats going on.
Oh my God, people of Karachi! Especially those so-called Yusufzais who can't even utter one word in Pukhto and yet identity themselves as 'Pathans' just to get cheesy with 'Pathan women'. Ugh, I hated that place!

I mean Indian, Hindu men, I won't even say what I went through. I kinda think it's an Eastern thing.

Hadn't I visited a place full of Hindus just today, I might not have agreed with you on this.


wait till u go to arab countries... its worse!!!!!!!!
LOL, Arabs. Tell me about it! I have seen very few of them who are walking besides their wives and at the same time not staring at other women.

I blame it on women exposing there booty and breasts. What do you expect?
I am wearing a hijaab but yet my brother would even accompany me to the Pakistani sweets-shop which was literally a minute away. Before I even used to buy anything in Pakistani stores, their shop-keepers used to offer me bargain in advance and we always end up leaving the store. And of course in Afghanistan where I was covered from head to toe but yet men were staring because 'I have got white hands'. How is our fault if men look at people even wearing chadari without knowing whether a man or woman is behind it?

Feroza you sound like you are gorgeous.
She actually is, especially how she looked on her wedding night. :smile1:

Palwasha
06-22-2010, 06:54 PM
who da hell stared at u feroza banu ?
http://i40.tinypic.com/2zh1v2t.jpg


LOL! You better be defending your missus!

but ya, It happens. You just have to walk away.

And if they follow you?

AnGaaR
06-22-2010, 06:58 PM
Shayestai... were u there ? i mean in our wedding party?

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 07:10 PM
Shayestai... were u there ? i mean in our wedding party?

LOL... no she wasn't... she is refering to pictures. :wub:


Thank you Shaistooooo... ! stergi de shaistai dei!:hug1"

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 07:13 PM
Nobody better not mess with my Feroza! but ya, It happens. You just have to walk away.

:hug1"

:runaround:

Shayesta
06-22-2010, 07:19 PM
Wait wait wait, hold it hold it hold it; Did Angaar bro just say 'our wedding'? This means, Angaar bro is Feroza's husband and I never knew this? *Clears throat*

WHAT!?!?!?!?

:banghead:

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 07:21 PM
^LOL u didn't know? !

i am sorry... i thought like basically everyone knew...

AnGaaR
06-22-2010, 07:22 PM
^ eh
os ra weikha shwa tsa bala

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 07:23 PM
^ eh
os ra weikha shwa tsa bala

be nice to my priends... :fighting:

Shayesta
06-22-2010, 07:26 PM
And I kept thinking; 'Oh, what a coincidence! Both Angaar's and Feroza's wedding anniversary is at the same day!' Damn, I feel so stupid, hahaha!

Anyway, yeah I have seen the pictures and you two make a very beautiful couple, Mashahlah. (F)

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 07:28 PM
^lol... thank you sweetsss (k)

Baidariwal
06-22-2010, 07:28 PM
who da hell stared at u feroza banu ?
http://i40.tinypic.com/2zh1v2t.jpg




Its human nature .. or i should say men nature..
some stare some dont..

i remember a poem lol

Matak matak kei chalti ho kisi din mar dalogei
Thoda sa dil mujko daido kia uska achar dalogei

khai da khazai zwab yai zma na wawra ...

matak matak kai chalti hu, meri chaal hi aisi hai
meri lo, apni maa ki lo, dono aik hi jaisai hai

:running:

AnGaaR
06-22-2010, 07:28 PM
http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsW/18091.gif
Feroza... Yes you.. dairai khabarai ma kawa

AnGaaR
06-22-2010, 07:29 PM
khai da khazai zwab yai zma na wawra ...

matak matak kai chalti hu, meri chaal hi aisi hai
meri lo, apni maa ki lo, dono aik hi jaisai hai

:running:

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL:loveit:

Baidariwal
06-22-2010, 07:33 PM
And I kept thinking; 'Oh, what a coincidence! Both Angaar's and Feroza's wedding anniversary is at the same day!' Damn, I feel so stupid, hahaha!

Anyway, yeah I have seen the pictures and you two make a very beautiful couple, Mashahlah. (F)

^lol... thank you sweetsss (k)

(F) and then (K) whats going on, and tell us the what those codes mean :fighting:

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 07:34 PM
http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsW/18091.gif
Feroza... Yes you.. dairai khabarai ma kawa

:pullinghair: hey she looks like this smily

Feroza_Banu
06-22-2010, 07:35 PM
(F) and then (K) whats going on, and tell us the what those codes mean :fighting:
ehh lol... (f) means flower... in MSN when u type this a flower image comes up

and (k) means kiss... again in MSN a kiss icon comes out

Baidariwal
06-22-2010, 07:37 PM
hahahahahaha ok got it now, and clearly you two have been using msn a bit toooo much now :tongue:

Roshina
06-23-2010, 12:51 AM
^i wouldn't stare at any of them... but i would be more attracted to the one wearing hijab

Same here. Because today's hijabs, with the new and creative styles we have and all, make (some) girls look SO much more beautiful than they actually are.

But, yeah, of course no staring.

Levanaye Zalmaye
06-23-2010, 01:06 AM
Hijab keeps you away from getting stared at in the west.

Why should a woman hide her natural beauty just because a man can't keep his eyes to himself?

Women are meant to look pleasing to men. 500,000 years of homosapean evolution and around a billion years of the evolution of life have ensured, for better or for worse, that the female, in most cases, will physically appeal to the male.

However, as rational beings, it's upon us to show respect and restraint. I never stare at girls because I never grew up in an environment where I was kept away from them. However, I can't say the same about some people I know who were sent to same-sex schools. For them, women are exotic. They can't help but stare.

If a woman conducts herself with dignity, even the lowest of men can't do anything to her.

IamDZJ
06-23-2010, 01:30 AM
I HAVE STOPPED CARING. I STARE RIGHT BACK. TO HELL WITH YOU AND YOUR MANHOOD.

ISN'T IT SAD HOW WE INTERACT (MY STUPID NEIGHBOR IS SMOKING WEED AGAIN DAMNIT!) SoCIALIZE AND SHARE SEATS WITH NON MUSLIM MEN ABROAD AND FEEL A LOT MORE SAFER THAN WE WOULD IF WE WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET IN WHICH WE GREW UP BACK HOME ...WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ISLAMIC COUNTRY?

Roshina
06-23-2010, 02:08 AM
However, as rational beings, it's upon us to show respect and restraint. I never stare at girls because I never grew up in an environment where I was kept away from them. However, I can't say the same about some people I know who were sent to same-sex schools. For them, women are exotic. They can't help but stare.

If only we'd realize the harms of never letting the opposite genders see at least GLIMPSES of each other ...! Then it becomes totally natural to get turned on by seeing her hands or toes! -- and hair? Oh my! Could anything BE more exotic than that?

If a woman conducts herself with dignity, even the lowest of men can't do anything to her.

I completely agree. How you carry yourself, how you represent yourself plays a major role in how others will see you and whether they'll respect you or not. The more you act subservient and inferior, the more you'll be treated like one. How we dress says a LOT about us, whether we're at one end of the spectrum (barely dressed) or at the other end of the spectrum (covered from head to toe with nothing but the eyes, prolly even ONE eye, showing). Your posture reveals a lot about you as well. You could be barely dressed or covered from head to toe, but if you walk like you have the world in your fist, then no one will dare to harm you. No, this isn't arrogance; it's giving yourself the respect you deserve as an individual, as your own self.

*Mahzala*
06-23-2010, 02:12 AM
Hijab keeps you away from getting stared at in the west.

It's high time a woman (who observes Hijaab) was asked if this is really true or not.

Roshina
06-23-2010, 02:13 AM
It's high time a woman (who observes Hijaab) was asked if this is really true or not.

lol. Like, TOTALLY!

IamDZJ
06-23-2010, 09:43 PM
Isn't it odd how ladies feel omfortable walking around in skinny jeans in a kuffar country yet in a Muslim ountry they face difficulties.

you don't make sense..and no it's not odd. it's very common.

Roshina
06-23-2010, 10:44 PM
you don't make sense..and no it's not odd. it's very common. ... and understandable and self-explanatory as well, as many have already voiced here so far.

Levanaye Zalmaye
06-23-2010, 10:49 PM
Isn't it odd how ladies feel omfortable walking around in skinny jeans in a kuffar country yet in a Muslim ountry they face difficulties.

Firstly, we shouldn't refer to them as "kufar" countries. They have laws, justice systems, income equality to a good extent, social services, honest people, etc, etc and none of these are elements of kufr. If anything, we are the infidels.

In any case, in the Western world, everyone wears jeans and it's considered okay to wear them. You won't be considered a sexual object if you wear fitted jeans. You blend in with everyone, you don't stand out to be stared at. However, in an Eastern country, where most people wear traditional, native clothes, if you put on your jeans and go down to the market, you'll be totally different from everyone else and naturally, everyone would stare at you.

It's like this - you're on a beach in France. You're in your shorts and no one would even care. However, if you're on a beach in Saudi Arabia, you'd totally stand out if you're just in your shorts.

IamDZJ
06-23-2010, 10:53 PM
^ nice excuse with the blending bit...

Levanaye Zalmaye
06-23-2010, 11:07 PM
^ nice excuse with the blending bit...

Care to elaborate?

IamDZJ
06-23-2010, 11:12 PM
NO

Levanaye Zalmaye
06-23-2010, 11:15 PM
NO

:praise:

Mayana
06-23-2010, 11:24 PM
Ooooh Feroza.. Story of my life. .

This is common amongst men, definately. But some of our own men are a species of their own lol. They stare at you, especially when they know you're Muslima, especially when they know you're Southwest-Asian, especially when they know you're Afghan/Pashtana etc. :running:

And that is a shame and nothing excuses that. And it is those very men asking us to be modest so we don't get stared at. Excuse me, it's a two way street I can't be covered in curtains while you go off enjoying the view because that's "man's nature". It is a woman's nature to dress up too, it is her nature to beautify herself, it is her nature to dress up.. yet many of us leave all that behind.. just so men stop stripping them down with their eyes.
And no, hijab doesn't work lol some men will stare at you especially if you wear hijab. It has become a fashion statement amongst many.. Fair skin, big eyes, rosy cheeks, piety through the hijab - why WOULDN'T a man look? If he stares down non-hijabis.. trust me.. he WILL stare down hijabis. I've been there and experienced it all.

I can't stand it..daghasi Zor rakayi laka tsok chi Plar au Nikka ra shkanzi. Women are being reduced to just an object of sexual gratification, as if her looks are all she has going for herself. If so, then she's not even worth looking at.. and if there is more to her than just her looks.. then you should have enough respect not to look at her excessively. Men always ask for modesty.. yet some of them don't have a bit of it in it themselves. And it is those very men who have that special eye for "modest" girls.. since they're through with all the immodest women, they're now aiming for the modest girls who don't stare back, who don't expose themselves, who don't flirt back, who don't recude themselves to a sexual object. These girls are of particular interest for such men; they are "pure". ;)

I don't care how you live your life, if you're comfortable living a life low on morals, principles and values, go ahead.. But don't be audacious enough to come back at the end asking for a "pure" girl. Why? Why woud she even take such a man? There are plenty of nice and good guys around ALHAMDULILLAH.. why would an angel give in to the devil..? ;)

Feroza_Banu
06-24-2010, 05:20 PM
^zma da zrra khabara de wakkrra...

i completely agree with you.

spogmai shaglay
06-25-2010, 12:32 PM
If a westerner does it we say ok. its there culture, but when I see Moulanas with big beards breaking there necks for every eye-candy they can get that is when I feel like how Mayana and Feroza feel.

i too have seen the so called maulanas with long beards and big topis on their head.. just out of the masjid after namaz... let a girl pass by, decently dressed.... they wont spare her at alll......i wonder what message the non-muslims get after witnessing the act of such shameless creatures.....

Master Khan
06-25-2010, 01:15 PM
I don't really look at girls or follow them, I am engenged So I don't have to.
My friends always do it, they look at them and say rude things..Something I tell them to stop it.

Master Khan
06-25-2010, 01:17 PM
but If a girl is wearing weird chothes and showing off her body then get angry at us.

Master Khan
06-25-2010, 02:58 PM
That is a good way to start. I suggest you to tell them the consequences of it.
I do tell them lol and then they are like "yeah you are right, its wrong I know".
But some girls expose themself too much!!!.

Feroza_Banu
06-25-2010, 03:51 PM
I do tell them lol and then they are like "yeah you are right, its wrong I know".
But some girls expose themself too much!!!.

isn't fighting temptations part of practicing Islam? Ok some girls expose themselves too much and how to you test your strength in faith ... by making an excuse for staring at them and fantasizing?

on the day of judgement if Allah swt asks why didn't u lower your gaze if you saw someone half naked... what will be ur response? u will say "well she was half naked its her fault?"

what if Allah asks the same "why" question from a guy who was alcoholic...

"why did you drink alcohol when i had forbid you do so?"...
"oh well it was there right infront of me, and it was cheap... i could see it, i wouldn't have drank if i didn't see it, its alcohol's fault for being present there..."

these excuses don't work buddy... a woman exposing her body to na mahram men will be punished for her sin and a man who can't lower his gaze will be punished for his sin... Allah swt can only be the judge of who is at fault... u can't make excuses.

Master Khan
06-25-2010, 04:25 PM
isn't fighting temptations part of practicing Islam? Ok some girls expose themselves too much and how to you test your strength in faith ... by making an excuse for staring at them and fantasizing?

on the day of judgement if Allah swt asks why didn't u lower your gaze if you saw someone half naked... what will be ur response? u will say "well she was half naked its her fault?"

what if Allah asks the same "why" question from a guy who was alcoholic...

"why did you drink alcohol when i had forbid you do so?"...
"oh well it was there right infront of me, and it was cheap... i could see it, i wouldn't have drank if i didn't see it, its alcohol's fault for being present there..."

these excuses don't work buddy... a woman exposing her body to na mahram men will be punished for her sin and a man who can't lower his gaze will be punished for his sin... Allah swt can only be the judge of who is at fault... u can't make excuses.
Khor lag goozara ko, I didn't say I was looking at her.:fighting:

Feroza_Banu
06-25-2010, 04:28 PM
^ i didn't mean you... i was just talking in general.

Master Khan
06-25-2010, 04:32 PM
^ i didn't mean you... i was just talking in general.
oh I am sorry then.:smile1:
I Usally just put my MP3 on and walk stright...But Don't blame all men for this.

єѕαρχαι
06-25-2010, 04:44 PM
I dont stare at women .
They stare at me :p

Master Khan
06-26-2010, 07:33 AM
I dont stare at women .
They stare at me :p

lol!! dai ta kho chapal oh nisa