View Full Version : R-Rated letter from my mom

05-30-2010, 12:48 AM
I apologize this is vulgar.

05-30-2010, 01:23 AM
muslima it's not the first time and nor would it be the last time...
the sooner you become immune to it the better. it's the price you pay for who you chose to be. if you think it was worth it then don't think of it much.
she is not angry because you are a muslim now but that you have become someone she no longer understands. she resents islam and she will put up whatever wall she wants to between herself and it..believe me when i say this but she doesn't have to believe any of it herself.

05-30-2010, 01:35 AM
^ That appears to be a wise and informed comment DZJ. Mother Dear is confused and clearly unable to understand Muslimah's choice. It is all about face - the community that she had built up around herself quite likely has a different persuasion and she is embarassed that you have decided to go against that.

Sometimes the disappointments fade, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. We all - whatever we choose in life, ultimately - walk alone. I wouldn't normally encourage anyone to go against their families, but sometimes we are left with no choice, especially when their pressures and constant hounding begin to verge on the criminal.

You may need to let mother go. Your nearness to her is probably the most frustrating thing for her.

05-30-2010, 01:43 AM
i think it just makes me mad that people are so blind to the beauty of Islam. Sooo many people are missing out on a great life! :(

05-30-2010, 01:55 AM
I agree with DZJ and Tor Khan, and it's certainly not uncommon that we read things like this about Muslims and Islam. The best you can do is just to let it go. She'll stop only if you show indifference towards her attitude and behavior; she'll continue if she knows it bothers you.

Most parents do not like it when their children leave the religion that their parents taught them. It's an affront to our parents because in their opinion, they did the best they could to raise us, and yet, we "insult" them by showing them that, no, you did not teach me what was right; I had to go through this many years/decades to figure out myself what was the right decision after all. I can't imagine how my parents would feel or respond if I ever left Islam, for instance; it'd destroy them in every conceivable way. I'm sure it's the same with all parents, although some are willing to listen if you explain it to them in a mature way. Like my parents tell me and my siblings over and over, "You'll ALWAYS be our children, and we'll ALWAYS be your parents; you'll never be able to get older than us, even if you try."

Considering all this, your mother's reaction is very natural. Of course, it's inappropriate in that she's perhaps going too far, but, again, you have to stop reacting to her reactions. The more you cry when she steps on the Quran, for instance, the more she'll do it.

By the way, I assume you've talked to her about this in a reasonable manner, but she refused to listen. Why does she come over to your house? Why does she talk to you? I thought she disowned you; I thought she resented you so much she never wanted to talk to you again. Why is she still in contact with you, then? I don't understand. Tell her that if she doesn't like your religion, she is free to stop talking to you.

Also, I wanna add that you're not gonna get much from constantly presenting your mom to us/public this way. I mean, really, what do you get out of this? You don't wanna expose your mother's/parents'/others' rudeness to such an extent, sis, because by giving your mom a bad image, you're giving yourself an even worse image, in my opinion. Your mother's your mother, no matter how much she disrespects and insults your religion, and your coming on a public forum and saying these kinds of things about her is not going to help soften the relationship you have with her. It's been some three years since you converted to Islam, and your mother still hasn't been able to get over it; if it's been that long for real, how did YOU manage? Whatever you did to manage during all that time, I'd suggest continue doing that -- but don't bash your mother/family.

05-30-2010, 01:59 AM
I write about it because people ask - they're curious about the life of a convert. I am not ashamed of it. Its an everyday thing for me to deal with this.

I am not perfect - I don't always deal with it calmly. I blow up at times out of frustration, I also run away and hide like a baby. all seem kind and educated and rather than talking to someone that knows me and my family, an outsiders perspective is refreshing and unbiased.