View Full Version : Relationships before marriage


AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 07:06 PM
What do you lot think ? Are people better off in the married life if they've had a relationship with the person before ?

What about the guys who've had relationships ? More than one
what do people think about them

Laila
05-21-2010, 07:24 PM
Hmmm.....away from religion and culture, i personally do not want to date. I think at times relationships are total bs. I mean its like when you are seeing a guy/girl you are putting this mask on.....

I do think people are better off in a marriage if they knew one another, but that doesnt mean 'dating.'

so Soulja....what do you think about relationship before marriage?

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 07:34 PM
I think everyone does it or tries atleast if they get the oppurtunity.. There is no fine line between dating and getting acquainted.. If two people like eachother and meet each other it's dating.. I don't have a problem with it I guess, I hate people who lie about their past tho.. Or hypocrites who do it and then pretend to be religious

Laila
05-21-2010, 07:37 PM
Yeah some do choose to date the person before marrying them....but damn that disappointment from my parents is something i cannot bear.

Max
05-21-2010, 07:45 PM
mine just left meee :(

Laila
05-21-2010, 07:46 PM
mine just left meee :(

My brothers girlfriend of nearly a year broke up with him last month.

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 07:47 PM
It's complicated I guess, parents are definitely an important part of the equation.

Are people more happy if it's an arranged marriage ? How can someone force themselves to like someone

Max
05-21-2010, 07:49 PM
My brothers girlfriend of nearly a year broke up with him last month.

tell him he is welcome at the karoeke night :lal2:

Laila
05-21-2010, 07:52 PM
It's complicated I guess, parents are definitely an important part of the equation.

Are people more happy if it's an arranged marriage ? How can someone force themselves to like someone
Hmmm arranged marriage does not necessarily mean that 'you are forced to love the one you marry.' I think 'love' gets developed as you are with someone.

The way i see it, arranged marriage is great. Families want the best for you, they find someone who they know will be somewhat compatible and in your interest level. Now, some families do allow you to get to know that person, and some are strict, and more conservative.

I dunno my brother thought he was in love, but the person who loves you wouldnt have really left you. So it was a hard reality to him.

Laila
05-21-2010, 07:53 PM
tell him he is welcome at the karoeke night :lal2:

LOL alrighty maybe next weekend....he went out with his friends tonight.

MeemWawMeemNoon
05-21-2010, 08:07 PM
Pray for mutual understanding and compatibility,then love. Not other way around.

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 08:09 PM
In arranged marriages your happy because the people around you are happy, that's an empty life.. Atleast it seems lIke it.. As for falling in love after marriage, well you don't really have a choice other than to like the other person..it's like two cops even if they don't like eachother they got eachother's back

As for love it iself, I think no such thing exists .. In time eveything fades away

MeemWawMeemNoon
05-21-2010, 08:14 PM
How could a marriage that does not have compatibility and understanding have love or caring?

Palwasha
05-21-2010, 08:23 PM
I think everyone does it or tries atleast if they get the oppurtunity..

Hmm, I disagree, because these days everyone has the oppurtunity to find partners, but not everyone chooses to. Something I respect greatly - when someone chooses their religion, values and especially God, before love.

I'm not for the idea of a relationship before marriage, purely on the basis it's haraam and not advised Islamically. Once upon a time never used to understand why everything was always so segregated in Islam, and why the opposite sexes aren't allowed to mingle much, but I've seen with my own eyes how a hello turns into a firendly chat, which develps into a relationship and then love..the guidelines given to us to follow are for our own good.

Love, lust and such desires are placed in our hearts as temptations, as our test. You should never go with your heart, always with your mind.. desires lead to destruction.

Pray for mutual understanding and compatibility,then love. Not other way around.

Agreed.

As Brit Chick said in the arranged marriage thread (here) (http://(here)):

Love marriage - you marry the person you love.
Arranged marriage - you love the person you marry.

Master Khan
05-21-2010, 08:34 PM
Da Boyfriend, girlfriend tool pazoly di.

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 08:38 PM
Khaney momin, I know what you guys are saying and I'm pretty sure everybody who does get into relationships knows that.. But what your talking about, that's not what most of the people do in real life and I think you know that too

The way I see it, everyone screws up at one point or another

Max
05-21-2010, 08:39 PM
relationship talk is depressinngggg

Master Khan
05-21-2010, 08:40 PM
relationship talk is depressinngggg
waley?

Laila
05-21-2010, 08:41 PM
relationship talk is depressinngggg

Awww she must have really hurt you....here have a cookie

http://athensboy.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/nestle_tollhouse_cookies.jpg

MeemWawMeemNoon
05-21-2010, 08:44 PM
Khaney momin, I know what you guys are saying and I'm pretty sure everybody who does get into relationships knows that.. But what your talking about, that's not what most of the people do in real life and I think you know that too

The way I see it, everyone screws up at one point or another

We can't generalize either case.

All I am saying is what path to take--this is what is taught by Islam.

Max
05-21-2010, 08:46 PM
Awww she must have really hurt you....here have a cookie

http://athensboy.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/nestle_tollhouse_cookies.jpg


lol awww thats so nice of ya now you are my new favorite person since someone didnt deliver any biryani as they were supposed too :eviltongue:

Laila
05-21-2010, 08:48 PM
lol awww thats so nice of ya now you are my new favorite person since someone didnt deliver any biryani as they were supposed too :eviltongue:

:runaround: YAY! i am someone's new best friend

Palwasha
05-21-2010, 08:48 PM
Khaney momin, I know what you guys are saying and I'm pretty sure everybody who does get into relationships knows that.. But what your talking about, that's not what most of the people do in real life and I think you know that too

These days everyone's looking for love, one way or another. I think the influenece of songs, films and T.V. and even books, play a strong role in fixating it in peoples' minds. I'm not saying cut yourself off entirely, but they do influence a person mind without one realising.

There's also the common excuse of the 'intention to marry'.

The way I see it, everyone screws up at one point or another

Oh yeah definitely, everyone makes mistakes, it's more or less unavoidable. It's the wise ones who learn from thier mistakes, as well as other peoples'.

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 08:48 PM
We can't generalize either case.

All I am saying is what path to take--this is what is taught by Islam.

How many of us 'modern' Muslims do you think are gonna end up in Jannah.. We'd be lucky to have our name mentioned even for hell

Max
05-21-2010, 08:49 PM
Awww she must have really hurt you....here have a cookie

http://athensboy.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/nestle_tollhouse_cookies.jpg

:runaround: YAY! i am someone's new best friend


:lal2::lal2::lal2:

MeemWawMeemNoon
05-21-2010, 08:50 PM
How many of us 'modern' Muslims do you think are gonna end up in Jannah.. We'd be lucky to have our name mentioned even for hell



I don't understand what this has to do with the flow of the conversation. Could you kindly elaborate.

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 08:53 PM
@ Khaney everyone is always lookig for something, if it isn't love it's something else.. If they have everything else it will be love..us humans are like that no matter how much God gives it's never enough. TV and all have played a role for those who care about such things, and there are lots who do.. But u get te occassional confused oddball like me mow and then

As for mistakes, some are able to learn from but for some learning just Isnt enough, learning doesn't mean they won't haunt you anymore

Master Khan
05-21-2010, 08:54 PM
As long you stick with one girl and love her forever then you would be fine.

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 08:55 PM
I don't understand what this has to do with the flow of the conversation. Could you kindly elaborate.

U said we should live by the book .. I said no one lives by the book

Palwasha
05-21-2010, 09:08 PM
How many of us 'modern' Muslims do you think are gonna end up in Jannah..

'Modern' Muslims, there's no such thing. =P

@ Khaney everyone is always lookig for something, if it isn't love it's something else.. If they have everything else it will be love..us humans are like that no matter how much God gives it's never enough. TV and all have played a role for those who care about such things, and there are lots who do.. But u get te occassional confused oddball like me mow and then

People are forever looking and searching when their hearts aren't satisfied. Without faith (and God), they'll never be at peace. When one discovers the path of Allah, only then will their heart be filled with content.

One of my best friend (an English girl), once said to me how she wished she was at peace like how I was, and that she hopes she discovers it one day - that really shocked me, no matter how high flying their lives are, there's always something missing. I told her to look into religion, but at such an age they're not so bothered, it's when their life gets serious that religion becomes an interest. (Anyhow, I think I'm dfriting.)

And bro you're not an oddball. :)

As for mistakes, some are able to learn from but for some learning just Isnt enough, learning doesn't mean they won't haunt you anymore

Mistakes won't haunt you, if one repents and turns to Allah, then you have nothing to worry about.

Master Khan
05-21-2010, 09:12 PM
Khaney khor check you out posting at 1:00 am :)
people in british are not religions no more, Most people have kids without getting married now.

AfghanSoulja
05-21-2010, 09:19 PM
Khaney she was right about the peace part and your right about the modern Muslim part

MeemWawMeemNoon
05-21-2010, 09:33 PM
U said we should live by the book .. I said no one lives by the book


Well, today, they have concluded that mutual understanding and compatibility is very important for healthy relationship.

Those who married for love and got divorced did not plan to get divorced. Their incompatibility and not being on the same page, same wavelength, were the main causes for their divorce.

It happens everywhere.

Roshina
05-24-2010, 03:07 AM
How many of us 'modern' Muslims do you think are gonna end up in Jannah..

What exactly IS a "modern Muslim"? Too many people I know keep referring to some Muslims as "modern," and I don't know what that means.

So, one type of Muslim is modern Muslim; what are the rest?

Feroza_Banu
05-24-2010, 02:48 PM
i am not for relationshop before marriage but i am also not for marrying blindly ...

i think two people getting marrried should be able to see each other, spend a little time together in a public place, talk about their life and goals... what they look for in a partner and what they don't see themselves compromising with. what their future plans are. i don't believe parents should be against this. ultimately its those two people geting married and spending all their life together... hopefully...

Muslimah
05-24-2010, 07:37 PM
I live by the book. It is possible.

However, I must say from experience, that dating sucks! I was Christian for most of my life, and my parents always encouraged me to date. I had a "boyfriend" (I hate even saying that word) for 4 years and even then my parents were like "Oh you're so young, you should date more than one person". The mentality is horrible the way I was raised. I found Islam and broke up with him right away because he was Catholic and we no longer understood each other, and because it is haram.

But, I could say to those of you interested in ever dating, I carry a huge scar for it. It breaks my heart that my first kiss and love will not be with my husband. I don't even know who I will marry and I already feel like I will disappoint him. However, I repent to Allah to forgive me and miraculously He swt has helped me erase a lot of memories from my mind. But GUYS are a different story. Most guys in this society will have sex with up to 15 women before marriage. So, lets say your wife saves herself for you and perhaps she isn't the best in that area. You will sit there comparing her to what was once enjoyable with a previous girl, and eventually, you may seek out that girl or someone who can please you the way you once were. It may not even be sex, but even hugs and kisses and conversations.

Believe me, stay pure and save everything for your husband and wife. That way your bonds will be between just the two of you, and not you and many others. It will be special and unique.

Muslimah
05-24-2010, 07:48 PM
I hate talking about my past, but I do it in hopes of enlightening people. I am seen as "tainted" because I have a past, although I didn't know any better. :'( According to white people, I am like mother theresa because I only dated once.
I know there is a double standard for men, they can do whatever they want (even have sex) and can still say they are a virgin. BUT, they should fear Allah swt and not do this anyway! They should also be nice to their future wife and be considerate that they will be depriving her of something she has saved for them. Its only fair to expect both to wait until marriage. Its so much more special and sacred.

Muslimah
05-24-2010, 07:58 PM
ohhh do i get a crown? :)

Sheenka
05-24-2010, 08:37 PM
What do you lot think ? Are people better off in the married life if they've had a relationship with the person before ?

What about the guys who've had relationships ? More than one
what do people think about them

i think it shouldnt be before or after:lal5:

but obviously while ur marrige and having relation wid other its cheating on ur partner so its better before marrige lol


my opinion dont laugh at me guys :Cool:

Sheenka
05-24-2010, 08:38 PM
i feel like this crown is on my head hehe

Master Khan
05-25-2010, 01:09 PM
i think it shouldnt be before or after:lal5:

but obviously while ur marrige and having relation wid other its cheating on ur partner so its better before marrige lol


my opinion dont laugh at me guys :Cool:
Well yeah its makes sense..before marrige you are looking for a girl so yeah.:Grin: