View Full Version : In pashtun culture you cant talk with or see your fiancee


Michin Khel
12-13-2010, 06:06 PM
In pashtun culture you cant talk with or see your fiance untill u r married. You cant even go to their home. What is situation among pashtuns in west?

Laila
12-13-2010, 06:24 PM
In my family, its actually quite normal to have nikkah done during the engagement. My parents did it, and i will do it.

But yeah, back home, usually engaged couples are not really allowed to interact, even with a chaperone (third party).

Here in the west, its normal to see each other, especially visit each home. But with the families, it differs.

kandahari ella
12-13-2010, 06:34 PM
It depends on how liberal or conservative the family is. I know families that will allow the couple to hang out alone and all prior to getting married or having their nikkah done. Then there are families that won't allow anything until the nikkah is completed, either at the wedding or prior. I think the middle ways, the best way to go. Have a chaperon with you, or get your nikkah done and hang out. But then again, most couples here get to know each other a little before they commit to getting married. In the end it depends on who, you are.

IamDZJ
12-13-2010, 09:02 PM
on my father's side of the family, you hide your face from all your in laws..mother in law, sister in law..every one...so the guy hanging out with the girl is out of the question..
on my mother's side of the family, you are not supposed to get caught. talking with each other of course...
i think it's better when you don't interact as much with each other while you are engaged.

why am i talking so much all of a sudden? :awkward:

pashtun boy
12-13-2010, 11:18 PM
In my family, its actually quite normal to have nikkah done during the engagement. My parents did it, and i will do it.

But yeah, back home, usually engaged couples are not really allowed to interact, even with a chaperone (third party).

Here in the west, its normal to see each other, especially visit each home. But with the families, it differs.

it depand on families specially in afghanistan and in pak mostly they r very strict but here in US and europe its normal to meet ur fiance every where

Sitaara
12-14-2010, 02:25 PM
Now days the pashtuns family are not that strict as they used to be ...maybe back home some of them are ..but now a guy and a girl can hang out and no one will say anything. At the end the guy and girl are going to live with each other forever so why hide frm each other.

Master Khan
12-15-2010, 01:18 PM
my family don't see each other till they get married, if a engaged couple start to meet each and hang about etc then its a shameful act and people will said things like
"waai ogora dai yo bal sara melavi gi" lol...so we don't do it....but now most pashtuns people do talk secertly with each other using mobile phones lol.

kakargirl
12-15-2010, 09:25 PM
in our kandahrian strict pashtuns from high class society we dont even get to see nothing the guy might see the girls pic but the girl gets to see nothing never mind talk or ask anything even after nikah there is no communication and on the marriage day you still dont see the groom until late at night when every one is gone home and thats when he comes home from the hujrah thats the 1st time a girl will see who shes married to , lol its a different matter if the girl and boy do a sneaky in these days that they get each others numbers and communicate but its not allowed if familes find out its a very big issue and i mean a very big issue

Catya Sher
12-15-2010, 10:25 PM
Wow!

Are the couple often related, then, is that the practise still?

Master Khan
12-16-2010, 11:29 AM
in our kandahrian strict pashtuns from high class society we dont even get to see nothing the guy might see the girls pic but the girl gets to see nothing never mind talk or ask anything even after nikah there is no communication and on the marriage day you still dont see the groom until late at night when every one is gone home and thats when he comes home from the hujrah thats the 1st time a girl will see who shes married to , lol its a different matter if the girl and boy do a sneaky in these days that they get each others numbers and communicate but its not allowed if familes find out its a very big issue and i mean a very big issue
oh the girl should atleast see the guys picture lol, But I am sure parents won't just choose a ugly guy for their daugther lol.

kakargirl
12-16-2010, 09:48 PM
oh the girl should atleast see the guys picture lol, But I am sure parents won't just choose a ugly guy for their daugther lol.
lol master khan mashallah the boys are from our own tribe we dont marry outside so the boys are all very handsome mashallah just like the girls all look like porcelain dolls so no problem about looks lol but the guy gets to look at least

kakargirl
12-16-2010, 10:02 PM
catya sher khorai yes the tradition still carries on when my sister got married to her husband she didnt see him nothing at our bride and groom never see each other in front of people like the bride all ready leaves then the groom comes to her house and whiles the bide is displayed infront of the women in his house he comes home late at night after the women have left my second sister and her husband were sly lol her husband use to send notes through female servents to give to my sister she would do the same lol so they both had communication

torkham
12-22-2010, 07:21 AM
some one help please. is there a thread that lists pashtun names. I am looking for pashtun names boys and girls.

my area, there is no contact between bride and groom. men sit separately. families arrange the match. i am from an older generation and a traditional strict area.

i have met pashtun families in kabul and germany that allow respectful contact between boys and girls, like sitting at or near other wedding tables, with family members sitting near by. boys and girls see each other, parents see them as well.